What A Tangled Web We Weave
by nativeSOBX
Summary: Olivia. Elliot. How far would partners go to save each other? Contains material OOC for Olivia Benson and Ed Tucker
1. Chapter 1 Turmoil

What A Tangled Web We Weave

Olivia. Elliot. How far would partners go to save each other?

DISCLAIMER: Law & Order SVU, its story lines and characters, do not belong to me but to Dick Wolfe and NBC. I only write fiction for my and your amusement. If I actually made money from it, I'd write a hell of a lot more.

A/N: Pretend Elliot did NOT leave at the end of season 12, but found himself on very thin ice with IAB. This fic is deeply mature, containing a whole lotta adult situations. If you are distressed by this sort of thing, go back to reading Charlotte's Web or some shit. Do not read this and then leave an angry or upsetting review because of it's content. You were advised.

Chapter 1- Turmoil

Benson Residence

On top of all the other crap she had put up with today, her period had started. Not that she wasn't relieved, again. It was just that she didn't need any other messes to have to deal with. Not now.

Not that she didn't want a baby. She'd love to have one. Any other time she may have been saddened by the onslaught of mother nature. But after today, the idea of ever having a family of her own was pretty close to nonexistent. The idea of a more convenient birth control crossed her mind. She'd have to make an appointment with her doctor as soon as possible. There was no way in hell she'd let herself get pregnant now.

Chiding herself for feeling so upset over things she didn't have, she thought of the family she did have. Don, El, Fin, Casey, and John had been just that to her for some time now. Their families were hers also. Though she couldn't compare just how much they and true blood relations would actually be similar, she often told herself that maybe they weren't that much different. From what she had observed, her adopted family did much the same things for her as a real family should. They all wanted nothing but the best for her.

Except for Elliot; not that he didn't want the best for her. He did. Probably more so than the rest. Being partners made their relationship, well complicated. She often thought of Elliot much more than just a partner. That wasn't a safe subject for her though. One best left in the dark recesses of her heart and mind.

That's why Olivia found herself in this mess. Maybe she had crossed some line of caring too much. She knew of those imaginary lines that existed, especially between herself and her partner. They were there for a reason. A damn good reason. Just when she had slipped over one, she had no idea. That was the 'complicated' part, she figured.

She was thinking too much again. But what else did she have to do? At 1:16 in the morning she knew of little else. Especially sleep. Being in Special Victims made sure of that.

Tonight it wasn't her job that kept her awake though. Well, not directly 'her' job, but of her partners. Her partner with a family. Five children. All depending on him. His family that she thought of as her own just a few moments ago. What would they do if he lost his job, his pension? The thought made her physically sick.

If up to her, he would never lose it. And right now, it was up to her. So why was she sitting here contemplating on what to do? There was no decision to be made.

She pulled herself up and walked over to her window, slightly moving the heavy drapes over just enough to see the still busy street below and the apartment complex across the way. Two taxis had a fender-bender at the light. Thugs congregated at the opposite corner, no doubt making their nightly deals. Two lovebirds were kissing in front of her building. Someone was upset at the ATM down the street. A couple on the fourth floor of the apartments across the street were fighting. Did they know, or even care the kid in the next room was awake and listening.? From what she could tell, a couple were making love in the apartment next to that one, right there on their sofa with the light on and the curtain open. One of the street lights flickered and went out. That was the city. The view stayed the same, but the scene always changed.

It was much like her life, she thought. She seemed to be always alone, always on the verge of some kind of breakdown. Brokenhearted. Yet the various reasons floated by from day to day, week to week, year to year; seemingly changing like the seasons and the city itself.

Tonight was no different. She just had a new reason to be so depressed, so in awe of how little her life thought of her. Someone had once told her that she was put on this Earth to be in service to others. Normally she let lines like those in one ear and out the other. But not that one. That one had stuck, and since then Olivia had begun to believe it. Her soul purpose was to serve. Like her job description stated. Tonight was the first night the inner turmoil really raged within her. To what extent must she serve? How much of herself must she give before she loses herself to the psychosis waiting to overtake her?

No, she wasn't changing her mind. Elliot was too important to her. His family was too important. It just seemed that there had to be an alternative. She had just a week to come up with one.


	2. Chapter 2 Terminally Ill

Chapter 2- Terminally Ill

Outside a new modern townhouse on the UWS of Manhattan

_One week later…_

Before her hand hit the solid wood to knock at his door the second time, it opened. Slightly jumping, she was at a loss for words, though not really wanting to say anything. Just her presence said it all. It hadn't taken long for her to decide what she needed to do, and she damn well wasn't turning back now. He meant everything to her, and she'd do anything for him. Anything. This pretty much proved that, if she ever doubted it before.

"I knew you'd come." A tall, lean figure stood inside the townhouse, offering her admittance. His eyes lowered slowly, taking in the physical presence of the beautiful woman before him. It made her tremble suddenly.

"Yea, well, I didn't have much of a choice, did I?" She made her way inside, shedding her light jacket while scanning the interior. Olivia had not humored him with any sweet talk or even by hiding the sarcasm in her voice. Yes, she had already admitted to herself that she was giving away her body to him, but that didn't mean she had to give away her soul as well.

"Olivia, you had a choice. You still do, and always will. You don't have to come. Just let things happen the way they should, as if I hadn't given you any power over the turn of events." A smile crossed his face, and Olivia wanted to slap him.

"Power? You know damn well I have no choice in this, Ed.' Olivia took deep, even breaths, trying to keep calm. Now was not the time to lose herself. Elliot and his family needed her. "Look, I'm here. You win. Let's just get this over with."

Ed Tucker shut and locked his door, content that he, indeed, did win the prize he sought after. The Olivia he had been pining after for so long. Well he and every other male who crossed her path. Olivia. He was proud of himself. He intended to savor every minute with her.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't string you along like that. I do have more respect for you than that. I mean, look at you. Who wouldn't respect a woman such as yourself, who's completely giving her body away to make sure her partner keeps his job and pension." Olivia shuddered as his hands slid around her waist and his voice was now in her ear. She knew now that she had never really known sick before. There was no place in her body that was not churning with pure disgust.

"I think you'll enjoy yourself, Olivia. Relax. It'll only hurt a little bit, I promise," he whispered. "Just remember the terms. You have to commit to this. You have to surrender yourself to me completely. You have to come when I say, considering your job, of course. You fail to follow my instructions, and Elliot will immediately find himself being forced to walk away. He has so much against him, all it'll take is another small mistake on his part…and I'll make sure he makes it. You know I can do it. I've wanted to do it for so long, but I thought this would be much more fun. Oh, and Olivia, this stays completely between us….unless you want to announce our relationship, maybe?" Ed Tucker laughed lightly at the thought.

"Ah, no. No, this stays between us." The one thing she could keep was her dignity. What would be left of it, anyway.

Fisting her hair he demanded, "Upstairs, door on the left. Strip. I'll be up in a minute." He threw her toward the stairs and walked away.

She had caught herself on the banister, barely. Her first instinct was to sucker punch the son-of-a-bitch and watch as his face spurted bright red lines of blood on the floor. That behavior was ingrained inside her, naturally. Scum needed to be shown their place. However, she had set her will to a new standard, for Elliot, she mused. Submitting would be new, but it was a necessity. It was already emitting a fear inside of her, to not be in control of the situation. She couldn't let her panic show. She had to be strong. For Elliot. For his family. She could do this. So she pushed one foot in front of the other, slowly ascending the steps.

"Oh God," she let slip out of her drying lips. She wanted to close her eyes, imagine something, anything but this. She had no idea what he wanted to do to her. She just knew it wasn't going to be good. It couldn't be. It was Ed Tucker, after all. He hated Elliot and herself. For as long as she could remember.

She had to pry her own fingers from the wood when she reached the top. She never knew where all her strength came from. She just knew she'd need most of it now.

Olivia found herself slowly removing her clothing and trying hard to breath slowly. The room was large and airy, but still a trifle hot. Like hell, she realized. She'd give anything for a hard shot on the rocks….or maybe three or four. Why hadn't she thought of that before she had got here? Because she already knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that had he found out he wouldn't have liked it, and it would have just made things even worse. Was that possible?

Swallowing hard, she slipped on top of his bed, trying to cover herself with her own limbs. As his footsteps became heavy on the stairs, her last thoughts were of Elliot. "Elliot," she whispered. She wouldn't let herself cry.

Had she known the flashbacks of certain events would taint her so much now, maybe she would have reconsidered before coming. She didn't doubt her need and desire to keep Elliot as her partner. What she did doubt was if she could go through with this, if her own sanity would allow Ed Tucker to get close to her. Harris was always waiting for her in the dark recesses of her mind. Even with years of therapy she had not been able to jump that hurdle. However she had not ever been faced with losing her partner as a result. She needed his comfort. So with Elliot on the forefront of her mind, and her will as strong as she had ever remembered it being, Olivia dropped her arms to her sides and let her legs fall, revealing all to her superior as he entered the doorway.


	3. Chapter 3 Preoccupied

Chapter 3- Preoccupied

16 Precinct

She could leave early today. Wednesday. She had plenty of time to take off, she knew. Olivia wasn't one to use it unless hell froze over and the devil himself had bound her. But today, if for no other reason than to get up out her chair, she was going to go in Cragen's office and ask for a few days of that time. Indeed, Ed Tucker was an evil, cold man, and had indeed bound her in service.

She wasn't sure she could move, however. It was a rare day the SVU was quiet, and Olivia had found that she would have given anything to be busy today. But that hadn't happened. Desk duty. That's what it boiled down to. Desk duty on a day that she was completely and utterly drained and used. Olivia's body just hurt.

And where her body wasn't hurting physically, it was emotionally strained. A complete mass of raw anxiety surging through her nerves. Her hands shook slightly. Her knee bounced up and down. Her neck stiff. Muscles jerked. Portions of her smooth skin were even blotched in red patches.

Elliot Stabler noticed them all, right down to her facial features that twitched involuntarily. She knew he was worried. The nasty words she kept throwing back at him just flew out of her mouth. It seemed she couldn't control much of anything anymore. She really didn't mean them, but how could she tell him that? Not when she couldn't tell him anything at all.

"Liv, please, just….are you okay?" He had gotten up again, walked around looking busy, and somehow had managed to end up right behind her, his voice low and soft over her left shoulder.

"I'm fine, Elliot." Didn't he realize that she wanted to tell him the truth? "Just a little antsy over a date tomorrow." That should work, she told herself.

"Antsy? Since when are you antsy over anything?" He was now leaning his left hip against her desk, arms crossed, and those eyes lowered deep in thought. "This guys not hurting you?" The crisp light blue of his dress shirt rose and fell as he breathed. He wasn't born yesterday.

"No Elliot. I get antsy sometimes, I'm human ya know," she barked. "Why do you always have to make something out of nothing? I told you, I'm fine." What was she suppose to say. 'Yes Elliot he does hurt me very much, and it's not really a date, but Ed Tucker threatening your job and pension if I don't fuck him and let him beat on me a little…or a lot…or whatever he wants at the moment.' She squirmed in her seat a little, for the hundredth time that day, remembering the way he had put her on her hands and knees; all the while expecting her to hold still while he wailed the hell out of her ass with his supple leather belt. That she had not expected. Nor did she handle it well. But she did handle it. And was still handling it; the pain, that is. God help her if he gave her those beatings on a regular basis. She'd not be able to move. So with the heat and pulsing pain radiating through her cheeks, she had sat squirming for the most part of the day.

She had managed to get by Elliot's questioning, and the annoying glances of her coworkers, who she also figured had come to the same conclusion as Elliot. Something was wrong. If the way she was walking didn't give her away, she figured she was safe. At least for now.

Olivia couldn't shake the 'what ifs' floating around in her head. What if something happened and someone saw her bruises? What if someone saw her going to and coming from Ed Tucker's? What if she let something slip? What if she couldn't take much of his abuse? What if it got worse? And the biggest 'what if' of all; what if Tucker didn't keep his part of the bargain after all?

All those ran through her head, spinning like a black hole in space, as she tried to finish up what she had been writing. She had to get out now, before a case came in. She couldn't work today. Emotionally or physically. For the first time in her career, in her life, Olivia wanted to be home, away from work, to deal with all the feelings cursing her body and mind. She needed a little composure. That would only come in the solitude of her own home.

Benson Residence

For as bad as the beating was, it had not been the worst part. At least his hands had not touched her then. He stood some two or three feet away. That gave her some amount of strength to be able to absorb the blows with. It wasn't until his hands and body came into play that her life began to drain from her.

She could not remember laying on her side, the beating over. All she knew was when his hands began their exploration of her body. The feeling of his fingertips heightened every nerve sensation. She was crying, the tears blinding her eyes for the most part. So much for being strong. Her nose was running a river of clear snot onto his blanket. She wasn't gasping, but trying to calm her breaths. His hands did nothing to help ease her.

He touched her burning ass, slapping and massaging the tender skin. Then he moved between her legs where the belt had caught once or twice on her smooth, shaven lips. Nothing about his prodding had been gentle….or for that matter rough. It was just disgusting. An outcry of insanity.

This was Ed Tucker. IAB's Ed Tucker. He was molesting her body. Shoving his fingers in dark places where her mother had told her bad men would want to touch.

Not even realizing she was an adult now, and consenting to this, Olivia's mind went blank. She couldn't talk, didn't know what to say, or do. She fisted the material under her body tightly as if holding on for dear life.

Then it was there. In her face. 'Another one,' she panicked. The jerking of her hair kept her sane enough to work his dick. It was all she could do to keep from biting. At times she thought she'd gag to death, whether from the act itself or the fact that it was him. He stroked her mouth slowly, purposely. Her mind was so confused and lost in her body's actions that she lost all ability to process his actions. It wasn't what he did anymore, just the fact that he, Ed Tucker, was doing it.

That hadn't been enough. She knew it had been coming. Maybe some part of her still hoped that he wouldn't take everything from her; leave some sacred place untouched. But no. He had made sure he fucked her senseless. Not just a common vanilla fuck either. He had pounded her hard, alternating between both of her holes, making sure nothing was left unscathed by him. He didn't just want to use her, but to degrade her, and leave her feeling like the slut he always thought she was.

Olivia had been home for over an hour now, curled up on her sofa, not being able to get the replay out of her mind. Deciding the only way to temporarily forget was to sleep, she knew she had to pull herself up. Sleep would not come by itself. The only way was to take something…anything….and pain killers did sound awful inviting.

Her backside was still heavy with heat and searing pain. She shuffled slowly to her medicine cabinet and popped out two capsules, thinking ahead to bring the bottle back with her. As she found the last bottle of water in her empty fridge, she contemplated looking at what she knew were bound to be deep bruises there. She had refused to look before, either by the hazy blindness her tears had made or not having the will to see herself like that. Maybe she would when she woke up. Right now she needed sleep. Her body was just too tired.

5am

Sometime during the night she had woken, taken more pain killers, and put herself to bed. She had completely stripped her clothes off, leaving herself naked on the cool sheets. She remembered it being a relief to her senses at the time. Yet this morning she could not comprehend why she was shivering from cold when her body was clearly so hot.

Maybe she was feverish. Maybe she had gotten sick…and on top of this. Maybe she'd need to see her doctor. What if….There she went thinking too much again. It was probably just a chill from the night air. Reaching to pull the covers across the top of her body only, Olivia tried to clear her mind and relax as best as she could. She had taken the rest of the week off, even after Cragen had given her twenty questions with that fatherly concerned look he often gave her. So with the weekend, that gave her the next four days to pull herself together somewhat. Enough time, she foolishly told herself, to be back to almost normal.


	4. Chapter 4 Excuses

Chapter 4- Excuses

Monday AM

Almost normal had not come yet. Though her movements were more fluid and less tense, Olivia's face was still flushed. She had tried the proverbial 'make-up', but it only managed to make her somewhat look more ill. After reapplying several different foundations, she stuck with a light shade that blended the blotches better than the others. "Maybe I just need a magic mirror. Oh hell, a fairy Godmother would have a hard time with this face," Olivia spoke softly to herself as she observed the outcome.

16 Precinct

"Feelin' better?" Elliot was sitting a steaming cup on her desk as she walked in.

"Yes, much better, thanks," Olivia answered before taking a sip of the brew. Not wanting to bring any attention to herself, she quickly sat and shuffled through the messages on her desk. He was watching her, she knew. She didn't have to look. Taking a deep breath, she quietly said a prayer to an unknown God that Elliot would not notice anything to cause him any more concern.

"How was your date?"

"What?" She looked up rather confused.

"Your date. You know, antsy and all."

'Oh fuck,' she thought to herself. That's why she hated lying. She never could remember what she ended up saying… until it was too late. "Oh, yea. Forgot I told you. Was good." Pretending to not make it a big thing, she really tried to dive into her work.

"You needed four and a half days, on our weekend?"

"Elliot," she took a deep breathe. She knew she had to stop him now. "It's really none of your business. I know you have work to do. I'm not doing it for you, even if I missed our weekend to work." She hated being that way with him. Lately he had been nothing but kind to her. This whole mess was going to be so hard on her heart and an overall mess on her friendships if she couldn't contain her feelings any better.

"Okay, I get it," Elliot said as he relaxed back into his chair, propping his shoes on his desk. "You don't wanna talk about it, we won't talk about it. We could play charades?" He was using that smug grin on his face to try and play with her, ease the iciness in the air that came in with her, but wasn't from the weather outside.

"Elliot!" Enough was enough. He wasn't going to quit. Olivia, having had more than enough experience with Elliot and his questioning, knew the only way to get him to lay off for the time being. " Look, not here ok," she talked quietly over their desks, thankful that the squad room was still for the most part empty. "We'll have dinner tonight if you want. Just not here." She gave him a straightforward look that told him she was being as wholehearted with him as possible. It seemed to be enough.

"Alright. Dinner it is," he answered, sitting up and lowering his feet once again to the floor. She was being serious. Elliot couldn't help but be content and grateful that she had finally opened up, or so he thought. He gave her a small smile before picking up his phone that began annoying him already.

Olivia couldn't believe what she had done. She was entwining herself deeper and deeper into a mass of lies that would do nothing but blow back up in her face. For now she had to come up with another excuse, or lie, to tell him tonight. The truth being completely out of the question. And Elliot, he always knew when she was lying.

Since it was time for work, and she was a detective, and a rather good one at that, Olivia decided to make use of her skills. She logged on to her computer and set about looking for a real physical ailment that could and would explain her symptoms. Well, the symptoms Elliot had thought she was having. There had to be something. Something simple and ordinary and believable…..something Elliot would keep to himself, yet wouldn't make a big deal of. She had her work cut out for her.

As if that wasn't enough, it seemed at that particular moment everyone from the precinct decided to file into the squad room. It looked as if she wasn't going to be getting a few minutes to do anything without someone noticing. Sometimes the openness of the room allowed for a collaboration of heads, and that was a good thing in their line of work. However, right now Olivia would practically sell her soul for a small private office with a one-key lock on the door. A key best hidden in private places from Elliot.

Somehow, somewhere, she would have to find the time and the privacy for a little web browsing. Whether on her desktop, her cell, or quickly on her laptop at home. Olivia knew the sooner she found an alibi, the quicker her mind would ease and she could relax a little more.

Benson Residence

"So who you doin?"" Olivia would have choked on the hot, cheesy, chicken quesadilla she had just taken a big bite of if she had not already known how blunt Elliot could be.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Your new boyfriend, Antsy." He was fishing. Elliot had not taken long to ask after digging into the Mexican fiesta he had bought over for their dinner.

Olivia wiped her mouth and took a large drink, more to give her a few more seconds of clear thought than to refresh her thirst. "He was just someone I had met at a bar, he asked me out. I don't know why I even said yes to begin with, but I ended up standing him up. Elliot I just got bad vibes or something. Maybe that's why I was so jumpy. I'm sorry." Not bad for a few seconds thought.

"Oh. You told me it went ok," a hint of hurt crossed his brow." After seconds of thought, he spoke again, "Why didn't you call him, Liv?"

"Didn't have his number El. We just agreed to meet back at the bar….so I didn't go. Why do you care?" It wasn't like him to give a shit about any of her dates, especially one she didn't even like.

"Just wondered. Not like you to not call and cancel." Elliot shoved a third of the taco in his mouth, seemingly comfortable with her answers so far. Maybe she could do this after all.

"El, that's not all I need to say." Olivia turned more toward him, slipping in the corner of her sofa. She took a deep breath when she saw she had his undivided attention. "El, I want to apologize for the way I've been acting lately. I know you've been worried…"

"It's okay Liv," he wanted to reassure her so she would continue, although he interrupted.

"Let me finish, huh? You were right. There is something wrong. No, not wrong, just something that's bothering me," she was having a hard time getting the words to come out. "Elliot I didn't want to tell you….I don't want anyone to know….well it's embarrassing for me a little."

Elliot moved over towards her after dropping his dinner on the coffee table. Slipping his hand in hers, he gave her all the reason she needed to continue.

"I saw my doctor last week El. Please don't laugh at me, but I'm officially going through menopause." She let out the breath she had no idea she was holding.

"Why would you think I would laugh at you Liv? I was just worried….you were moody and nervous and just not yourself. Is that why you didn't tell me, you thought I'd laugh?" Elliot kept her hand firmly, but loosely, in his. His eyes swept over her face from her softly highlighted bangs to her plump, moist lips. He would give anything to be able to reassure her with his lips.

"Yea, I guess. I really just wanted to keep it to myself, you know. It's a personal thing. I know my mother went through this early… My doctor says that my symptoms are a little more pronounced than the average woman's… I guess that means I'll be a little more bitchy than the average woman." She looked in his eyes, giving him a small smile. His eyes could always make her smile, no matter how she was feeling. Right now he had no idea how badly she needed to see those eyes of his.

"I'm glad you told me. It will stay between the two of us, I promise. " He watched the rise of fall of her chest now, just above the deep V neck of her shirt. 'Menopause? There's nothing about Liv old,' he thought. Although she knew he was looking, she showed no sign of stopping him.

"I'll try to watch my moods El. Really. This past week, it's that I've just seen my doctor and it's been hard for me to absorb, that's all." Why had it gotten so difficult to look at him? She wasn't really lying. Somewhere in her mind, she knew she was pre-menopausal Her body told her every day.

She just needed to learn to hide her effects from her trysts with Ed Tucker. Her excuse would only go so far and lying to Elliot, no matter how small, would eventually kill her inside. After all, she was already so close to dying after what she had done, and would continue to do. It was only because of Elliot that her heart was still beating. He needed her, even if he had no idea how badly.


	5. Chapter 5 Cleansing

Chapter 5- Cleansing

_Nine months later…._

IAB

Everyone had noticed the smirk he wore almost constantly now. He could have swore he even felt younger had he not been having to pop a pill occasionally to give her a good hard boning. He didn't mind, he reasoned. For what is was worth, well, to him it was the best thing since listening devices.

Ed Tucker plastered a wide grin on his face as he recalled the few little bugs and where he had them placed. He'd already gotten a few things more he could possibly use against Stabler. He'd have to have the recordings edited, of course. Damn Stabler for being straight up. Why couldn't he be corrupt like the rest of them? There might be a few strings he had to pull, but he was IAB after all.

He propped his feet on the corner of his desk, resting back against his chair. He had met her for "lunch", and he had eaten greedily. Lately, however, she was getting a little too bold for her own welfare. What was he thinking? No, not for her own welfare, but for Stablers'. He wasn't worried about the slick detective though. It was the idea that Benson would cave and retract her commitment to him.

When the idea had first come to Ed Tucker, he would have bet his life on the fact that Benson would do anything to keep her partner; and for her partner to keep his job and pension. But now, after months of submitting to him, he could tell she may need a little encouragement to continue. Just a few little reminders that he could and would be able to banish Elliot from the force and all its benefits.

16 Precinct

Elliot Stabler, recently divorced, had spent his lunch at his desk feeling sorry for himself. He had scrounged up enough change to cover a bag of chips and a soda, which he ate greedily, while his eyes danced across the photos of his kids and ex-wife he kept in front of him faithfully.

Lately he could honestly say he felt alone. It was a feeling new to him. He grew up with brothers and sisters, and went directly into a marriage with kids. He had never really known alone before. Even in the Marines, while stationed far away from his family, he was never alone. The empty feeling nagged him.

Looking across his desk his eyes came to a stop on her empty leather chair. Olivia had even left him today, taking off quickly without a word to anyone at the house. Maybe it wasn't the fact that he was alone anymore that bothered him so much, but the fact that he was choosing to be alone rather than be with the one he wanted. Or, if he wanted to really be honest with himself, the one he needed.

Tossing the aluminum can in the 'Recyclable' bin across the room, he barely missed targeting his partner as she returned from wherever she had spent her lunch. She had done that more often these days. Maybe she did have a new boyfriend. It would serve him right. Still, he couldn't help but to think that something just wasn't right with her. Menopause, be damned.

She no longer carried herself like the Olivia Benson he knew. Sure, she did her job. She was just as good as she always had been. There were times she seemed overly distracted and he had to pull her back to the moment. Even a few times she had gotten carried away, and blood ended up flowing on the pavement or the street, or the interrogation room, or wherever they chanced meeting a perp Olivia didn't much care for. Which was all of them. There seemed to be something about her that made her seem less of a person now. He noticed she stayed further at a distance from him. A year ago she would walk side-by-side with him, brushing elbows and an occasional shoulder. Now he was lucky if she would be close enough for them to carry on a conversation while they moved.

She had a sad look about her. She's had it for months. Maybe it was due in part to the fact that she did want a child so badly. He could understand that. A little part of him died the evening she told him she was already going through menopause. He could only imagine how she really felt. So many nights he lay in his own bed wishing upon a star that he could be the one to give her that child.

Nestled in her seat, she sat unaware of his thoughts. She couldn't get the prickly feeling of Ed Tucker's hands out of her mind. Her body oddly felt like it wasn't hers. Maybe that was the way it was suppose to feel now. Ed Tucker had more or less took from her everything he could, and was still thriving on taking more. He didn't seem to be letting up any, which was what she had hoped for some months ago. Olivia had thought he would tire of her, get bored with his new plaything and move on. But he didn't, and it seemed like he was still just as excited as the first few times she had given herself to him freely.

She would give anything to be able to shower right about now. The workload was overbearing, however, and it looked as if another case had come in. Her boss was writing quickly, his phone on his right shoulder, looking at both she and Elliot. She had seen this look so many times before. It was something she supposed Cragen probably did in his sleep.

But being busy didn't ease the feeling of bugs crawling on her skin. Her panties felt wet, even though she had managed to clean herself up a little in the women's room immediately after. They didn't just feel wet, but warm and sticky, and she imagined them with a blob of some kind of green goo she had saw in a horror film. How could Elliot not smell her? The overpowering stench of sex with him could never be masked with any perfume. This had to be the same feeling rape victims felt after they were violated, she mused

"Stabler, Benson," her captain called from the doorway of his office. He held out his hand with an offering. "Your catching." It was more a direct order than a question, although he would have gladly given it away had one of them asked. Cragen was just like that, especially to his lead detectives. He treated them with respect more often than not, and rarely let his ranking show. For that he was rewarded with a squad willing to go above and beyond for their unit, for him. They sat him on a pedestal even as their beloved captain was yelling at the top of his lungs at some wrong one or two of them had done.

"Yea Cap." Elliot moved quickly, slipping on his coat, making himself look presentable to the public. He took the paper and read over the case quietly. "Liv, you coming?" He had stopped mere steps from their desks, knowing his partner had not risen quickly. She was making this a habit, and it was really starting to bother him.

"Yea, just…" She had managed to catch up, lowering her voice to him. "I just need a minute El. I'll meet you downstairs." She trusted he would understand in his own way, be it even if he was a little pissed. Olivia needed clean panties, and now. She couldn't help anyone if she couldn't help herself first, she reasoned.

The drive to Mercy had been quiet, except for the few calls Elliot had made and received from the house. She knew him, and knew he'd eventually cave, calling her on her slack lately with the job. But damn him, she'd done so good for so long now, holding her own with what was going on with her body and through her mind. He had no right to call her on anything. This was for his benefit, and his children's. Hot fire flashed in her veins, or maybe her nerves. Olivia couldn't look at him anymore. Watching the buildings pass by as they rode back to the station, she leaned her head lightly on the glass.

It began to rain.

"You know," his open-faced hands beat once on the wheel, "I can't believe you."

Lifting her head, the heat returned, scolding her insides again. He just had to start. She turned to look at him, already knowing what his face would express.

"How many times I gotta wait for you Olivia? How many times in the past week alone? " He wanted to rile her, get her so wound up that she would eventually spill whatever the hell was going on.

"Oh…just fuck you Elliot." The heat began to release.

"Would that make it better… this antsy fellow of yours not enough for you? You seem to be gettin' it enough to me, running off all the damn time. You can't do your job…get the hell out and make room for someone who can." His statements smacked her in the face, and she honestly believed she deserved something like this, anything, for lying to him. Still the anger that had built inside her needed someplace to go, and the only direction was towards him.

The rain pounded now, landing in heavy drops on the windshield. It sounded like drumbeats in her ears, or maybe that was her heart.

"You sorry son-of-a-bitch…" She opened the door, midway between streetlights, and half jumped out, landing firmly on her feet. She'd get out, alright. She'd get so far out of his life, he'd be shit out of luck.

"What the…" He couldn't finish. On instinct he pulled over half on the sidewalk, slamming on the brakes, luckily missing a pedestrian and a tow-a-away zone sign. Fuck the car and the two doors that were left open; Elliot hopped out, starting to sprint after her.

It was no good. She was already down another block, heading in the opposite direction of the traffic. He'd never catch up to her, especially if she didn't want to be caught. He knew Olivia, or he thought he did, and she did not want to be caught now. He'd have to wait.

After closing the passenger side door, he rounded the car and slipped inside. He needed dry clothes already, but that wasn't his biggest problem. Olivia. Fuck his big mouth and his 'I can't fuck Olivia so no one else can' attitude. Wiping the rain from his face, he started the car and slowly headed back to the precinct, wondering how he was going to explain her absence…or if he even would.

She had walked seventeen blocks, cutting through two alleys. Over the course of her mid-afternoon walk in the rain, Olivia had not cared about anything, even for her own safety. She had boldly held her head high, glaring and daring anyone to come close or even say a word to her. What she needed was a good fight. One where the odds were against her, like always. One where she could release all this negative energy. That didn't happen.

By the time she had arrived at her building, she could not remember ever being dry. Dripping a trail up the stairs, she dug her key out of her pocket, thanking whomever that she had sense enough to keep one with her most all the time. Her boots squeaked and she almost slipped twice, only adding to her frustrations.

She did not know if Elliot really knew about her lunch today, or if he was just provoking her again. Still the idea that he could know of her acts gave her chills, along with the water clutching at her skin and clothing. As she made her way inside her apartment, locking her door behind her, she immediately began dropping the heavy pieces of clothing on her floor, not caring that her carpet would absorb the wetness. She needed warmth. Warmth from the cold water and from Elliot. She couldn't remedy both, but the heavy throw she kept on the back of her sofa would take care of one.

She didn't bother drying herself. The way she looked at it, the longer the water stayed on her skin, the more of him it could wash away. So in a sense, her walk had a cleansing effect on her body. The raindrops were heavy and fast, seeming much stronger than the force of her own shower she often stood under until it ran cold. If only she could have stripped bare and just stood there, outside, in the city, in the rain, cleansing her entire body until her soul shone bright again.

A small part of her was still angry with him, Elliot. Damn him for starting this mess, and damn him for making her walk in the rain, and damn him for giving a shit about her….and damn him for being able to stay mostly warm and dry. Damn him for making her feel like a fool. Damn him for always knowing her so well.

Was she really trying to convince herself that Elliot was the problem?

Elliot that cared about her. Elliot who would do anything for her? Elliot who would believe in her when no one else would? Elliot who simply wanted the truth from her? Elliot who had her back for more than 12 years now? Elliot who she knew, without a doubt, she loved more than life itself?


	6. Chapter 6 A Little Truth

**Chapter 6- A Little Truth**

**16 Precinct**

Glancing at the clock on the far wall for what had to be the hundredth time, Elliot sighed. Olivia had been AWOL from the 1-6 for almost three hours. He had chewed through two pens, and three uni's in the squad. Trying not to look, he was wandering just when his Captain would yell. So far he had been silent, only glaring at her chair, then at Elliot as he walked on past. That was enough to get his message through.

"Fin, John, I'm going to Liv's. If she gets back here before I do, give me a call, huh?" Elliot had decided to go after her. He knew she would put up a fight, and it would be ugly, but he didn't want a new partner under no uncertain terms. He needed her. A mad Olivia was much better than no Olivia.

"What'd you say to her this time, Stabler?" Fin glared at him, knowing his temperament and that it had to be pretty bad if Olivia had took off.

"Look Fin, I don't want to fight right now. Just cover for me…us…please." Elliot wasn't above pleading right now. He had to find her, find out for himself what was really going on. He couldn't help but believe it could be serious.

"Alright, but for Liv." Fin saw the sincerity in Elliot, however he still questioned it. "Get her and bring her back Stabler," his voice firm. Sometimes he really did not get along with that detective. Yet he knew why. Olivia. That was where their lines crossed. Sometimes Stabler just wasn't good enough for her. It didn't matter that Elliot loved her. Fin just wanted him to treat her with the utmost respect, and that didn't happen all the time. More often than not, the partners were at each other's throats. Who was he to say that it wasn't their way of saying 'I love you'? Munch even claimed the whole thing to be foreplay between the two of them.

"Yea, thanks." He rushed out, heading in the only direction he knew to go.

**Benson Residence**

"Took you long enough." She opened the door on a whim, not considering he was on the other side, even though she had known he would eventually show up. She closed the door behind him, sliding the bolt in place.

"I guess I could say that I wasn't sure you were here, or knew where you had gone, but I'd just be making excuses. I think I just wanted to give us both a little space." He glanced around, noticing the soaking wet clothing she had left in a trail from her front door. "You walked back here, didn't you?" He already knew the answer. "You're gonna be sick Liv," he added before she could get a word in.

"I needed to cool off, Elliot. A little rain won't kill me." Her voice wasn't entirely soft. It still hinted at the anger that had raged earlier at him.

"Look," Elliot gently took her arm as she tried to pass by him. She turned to him, now face-to-face. "I'm sorry. I really am. I just…Liv I'm worried about you." That was no lie. He was tired of being in a complete state of worry over her for so long.

"Elliot, " her voice softer, "I'm fine. Really."

"No. I don't accept that answer. I won't. You've given me that answer for going on a year Liv. Don't give me that menopause shit either." He couldn't help but to really look at her. She was so beautiful, even if that sparkle in her eyes had been lost somewhere. "Please, just be straight with me."

She felt cornered. It was a feeling she had gotten use to lately, but not by Elliot.

"I know there's something bothering you Liv. You haven't been telling me the truth, or all of it, or maybe even any of it. I don't know anymore. I just know that I want to be here for you, I want us to be the closest of friends like we once were. Hell Liv, when did it even change?" Elliot had no idea if he was still talking to Olivia or to himself. He was rambling, the thoughts coming out without any effort on his behalf.

Feeling his hands move up and down her forearms, she listened intently to her partner, maybe for the first time in years. His words were heartwarming. Not the words themselves, but the tone and manner he spoke them to her. They were like a poem, a ballad, a teary-eyed love song.

Olivia knew what he meant. She had told him one lie after the other, never the truth about where she had been, who she had been with, if she was ok, or even the most insignificant of answers she could have given him during their working hours. Maybe she had no idea what the truth to any of it was anymore, herself.

Yet Elliot had never called her on the small ones he had caught her on. He just nodded his head, emitting a heartbroken look toward her. Yes, she had to turn away. It all compounded to a new 'low' feeling inside her. She couldn't fathom a bottom to her pit anymore. However deep it went, she knew there was no way to climb back out. Not a clean, honest way.

Shaking her head slowly, she tried to form some mass of words to let him know she was listening, "El I…ah…It's not….Maybe…" What came out was a few words of mumbled jargon instead.

"Liv. It's easy. Talking to me is really easy, you've been doing it for years now. Nothing has changed." At least nothing he knew of. He searched her face, looking intently at the deep chocolate brown of her eyes. He felt saddened by what he saw.

He ran his hands up, taking in her upper arms, squeezing gently. What he thought would support her mentally only emitted a physical response, one that gave him a small shock of surprise.

"Liv," he tried capturing her eyes again as she pulled from him, moving away, needing to hide. "Did I…I couldn't have hurt you." As he finished speaking, it dawned on him. She was already hurt.

There was no place to run. No place to hide. Not from him. As she turned to face him, it had never felt so difficult to look him in his eyes. Those eyes were wide, staring with a glare he only had when he lost control of his emotions.

Before she could register what he was doing, Elliot had slid up the sleeves on both her arms. Damn herself for pulling on a loose blouse. She had thought it ideal at the time, not wrapping tightly around herself, where only hours ago Ed Tucker had played hardball and had bruised her body again.

He gasped at the clear handprint on her left arm. Clearly from the bright red around it, it had not been there long.

"Who did this Liv?" His voice was clear and loud, though he knew she had no problem hearing him.

She just stared at herself, at the print, wanting it to fade away and forget he saw anything.

"Liv! Who hurt you?" He was angry again. Nothing like in the car earlier. No, this was pure unadulterated anger; live or die anger where Elliot Stabler was concerned. "Tell me dammit!" He had taken her arms and was slightly shaking her, not caring if he added to her bruise. Maybe a little pain would get her to talk quicker.

"Elliot, it's nothing…"

"Nothing my ass! Look at it," he lifted her arm, pointing the rather large purple and red print out to her. "This is nothing? Nothing? I want to know who did it. I'm going to find out one way or another. You know that," his words were softer, but the anger dripped in puddles as he spoke them. "Why won't you tell me?"

"It was an accident Elliot." She can't believe she said it, closing her eyes, just waiting for him to blow up at her again. She felt like a kid again, being chastised by her mother. Only her mother had never been as overbearing as Elliot.

"Menopause give you a handprint like that, Liv." He had taken the chance, said it before really thinking.

She felt the anger rise, although she really did not understand why. He was angry and more than worried, and he had done nothing wrong; spoken nothing that she herself had not some time ago. It was just that she did not need this. She did not deserve this, and dammit, she could only take so much more.

"Screw you, Elliot! You wanna know how I got this? I'll tell you. I met someone. That's right. I met someone." She was in his face now, just letting some of that anger ooze right on out toward him. "I have sex with him Elliot. That's right. Sex. I can do that, I'm a grown woman. We had sex. It was a little rough," she spat, not really caring anymore about anything. Hell, she was being half honest. "You wanna know what? I like it." She really caught his attention then. "No, Elliot, I loved it."

Her eyes just bored a hole right through him. She was looking, but made damn sure she wasn't seeing what was in his eyes, what he was showing her. It was emotion. Real emotion; soothing, deep, comforting. She wanted to cry.

He shook his head in defeat, slowly. Letting her arms drop, he turned to leave.

"You coming back to the station?" He spoke, making his way slowly to her door.

"I'll be in soon," was all she could manage.

The room had barely gotten quiet before he stopped, quickly turning on his heels, and made his way back to her. Before she could register what had happened, Elliot Stabler had her in an embrace, gently prying her lips apart with the tingling of his smooth tongue. Deeper than their anger, the kiss flowed solemnly, telling more truth than either of them could imagine existed.

Shock comes in all forms, in different situations, and different in each individual. Olivia had been in shock before. Several times. The ER doctor had quickly diagnosed her with it when she had been shot. She already knew she was heading in that direction as she felt blood oozing from her neck years ago. Shock screamed from her in her Captain's office as he explained of her mother's death. Shock washed across her face as she explored case after case after case in her unit. She had even watched as others went into shock, as she tried to help. Yes, Olivia knew shock. She knew of it, but had no idea that was the term used for what she was feeling now, after a kiss from her partner.

He had left quickly, but not without squeezing her hand and whispering 'I love you, Liv'. At least that's what she thought she heard. Her brain was so scrambled she got lost in her own apartment, heading toward the kitchen instead of the bathroom, which had been her destination.

**A/N-** I'd like to give a big ole shout out of a "thank you!" to those of you who left me a review. It feels great to know you enjoy the story. Updates coming asap.


	7. Chapter 7 A Tucker Tale

**A/N- **This chapter contains content much more dark than the previous. Please mind the rating and my warnings. Again, thank you to all who review. I love to hear when you are enjoying my stories. I'd also like to hear if there's something you found wrong/ or just didn't like...it would help in future storylines. On with the show!

**Chapter 7- A Tucker Tale**

**16 Precinct**

It was hard looking at him. It was utterly difficult to just glance at him while they worked. He had kissed her. Not only had he kissed her, but she had allowed him to, and had eagerly pushed and yearned for him to take it deeper.

Still she had no idea why he had done that. Maybe she did. Maybe she wanted her imagination to run rampant with the ideas now floating around in her head. It kept returning, however; the knowledge that she really already knew what had transpired earlier in her apartment.

Elliot had caved. After twelve long years of being her partner, he could no longer just step back and watch as someone else pretended to love her. He loved her. She knew that. It was in everything he did. The way he protected her, the way he ran off most of her dates, the way he constantly overshadowed her, was the only way he could speak the words to her. He could no longer hide behind the forbidden vow they both took as partners.

How was she suppose to stand behind that vow now? It's not that she wanted to either, but admitting to Elliot that she truly loved him also would cost a price neither wanted to pay. She was certain of that. She had wait so long to hear those words, to feel those lips, Olivia knew she had not the strength to turn from it.

As her shift came to an end, she slipped out unknowingly to Elliot. She needed to be alone. She needed to think. Right now she had a use for that bottle of deep red Merlot she had in her fridge.

**Benson Residence**

It was a new high to be thinking of something different these days, other than Ed Tucker. Elliot had shoved her thoughts of him so far in the recesses of her mind, Olivia had almost forgotten of her superior.

That was before his call, before she had finished her second glass of wine.

"I want you again." He never uttered a greeting. Ed Tucker came to the point quickly, showing his authority over her as often as he could.

"Look I gave you my lunch hour," she felt a sudden ache in her forehead and across her temples. She had already known what he wanted when she recognized the number, but did not dare to not answer him.

"Olivia I think we need to have a little heart to heart also. Get over here," he firmly stated before she heard nothing, knowing he had already ended the call.

Olivia sat her almost empty glass on her nightstand. She pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees. She felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. It was guilt. That was the only emotion that pounded inside of her. And she knew why.

She slipped off her bed, stripping herself naked. Time was ticking, and Ed Tucker did not like to be kept waiting. That much she had learned the hard way.

Figuring that her clothing was not an issue, she pulled on the first pair of jeans she could find and a tee. He never cared about her clothing, just getting her naked, often ripping her underclothes to do it.

Feeling the bruises from earlier, she tried to hurry. She wasn't much on making herself up for him, just making sure she was clean. Although that was more for herself than for him.

Fleeing her apartment and building, Olivia caught the first cab and headed uptown.

**Ed Tucker's Residence**

Forty minutes later, Olivia found herself being stripped by Tucker. He had rushed to remove her outer layers, throwing them across his bedroom and out into the hallway.

"Tell me Olivia, do you remember our agreement?" Roughly he pulled at the front of her bra, ripping the hooks and eyes at the back that held it together. It fell to her feet.

"Of course," she answered as she watched it pool around her bare feet.

"I was wandering," he almost hummed as he made a wide arc with his arm and slapped her breast, his hand landing a heavy blow to one and skimming the other. She flinched, but held her ground. "Since you have taken to having quite a mouth on you lately…"

Her breast began to throb. It wasn't the worst pain she'd ever been in, but certainly it was the hardest she'd ever been hit there.

"What, nothing to say now?" He had that smirk she saw often. The one that says 'I'm in charge, you do what I say and I enjoy this very much', all at the same time.

He leaned forward and bit down on her protruding nipple, from the same breast that he had just targeted. Rising to her tiptoes, she held his head involuntarily. His teeth were sinking, slowly, and the "Oh, God" that came from her lips was not due to desire.

He tasted blood. It wasn't the first time he drew blood, but somehow coming from her nipple it seemed more erotic for him. He wished he had discovered that bit much sooner.

A whimper came from her, and Ed pulled back, his bottom lip smeared with red. "Please," Olivia sounded broken. "Please, no more."

"I have some news for you." He took two steps over to his dresser, opened the top drawer, and pulled out a clear bag and a pocket knife. She knew what the knife was for. It was especially for her, he had told her. He always used it to cut off her panties. The same one, every time.

The bag was new. As he motioned for her to sit beside him on his bed, he pulled out a disk. "Know what this is, love?" He smiled as he looked at her. "This is security, for me.," he answered himself before she could say anything. "This disk contains recordings of your partner," he spoke, stressing the word 'partner'.

Her eyes grew wide, and her face expressed worry. Olivia had no idea what was on that disk, though if Ed Tucker had it, there was no way it could be good. He had something against Elliot. "How…"

"I planted a few bugs…and listened. I had to piece a few things together, but the outcome is just grand." He should have received an award, he thought to himself.

Dumbstruck, Olivia could only stare at the disk. She knew Elliot, and there was no way Tucker could have gotten anything solid from Elliot's mouth. So she knew Tucker was telling her the truth, he had pieced together some of Elliot's words. God only knew what that disk would reveal.

Placing the disk back, Ed Tucker returned to the business at hand. The knife opened and knowing she had lost not only the game, but the whole series, Olivia leaned back, allowing him to slice open the thin silky material that had been the only covering left on her body.

He traced the tip of the knife up and down her now exposed lips. It left a faint white line that quickly turned red.

"Get up. On your knees."

She turned over, slowly rising to his intended position. She felt his knife, but was to the point where she no longer cared what he did to her.

Taking two steps back, Ed nodded to himself. "Baby, you have entirely too much brains to have an ass like that." The whistle was long and low. "I bet that partner of yours likes to look at it, huh?" It wasn't really a question, just words meant to push her. He liked doing that.

"I guess."

He traced the bruises from earlier that day down the side of her thigh. That must have been when he banged her up against the small table in the hotel room. He loved watching her dance across the room, never knowing where she'd land.

"Hold still." Ed Tucker pushed on the bottom of her back, helping to keep her still. He really couldn't hurt her too badly, it would ruin his fun. He took the knife, still unfolded and slipped it inside her. He knew it wasn't that sharp, but a slow trickle of bright red blood began to stream down between her lips. "Hold real still, Olivia."

The cold from the steel shocked her. He had never done this before. He was getting bolder. Before she was only covered with bruises and welts, but now he had no problem drawing blood. It was only a matter of time before he let her bleed freely, to the point of holding her life in his hands. She swallowed hard, feeling her body wanting to shake with fear.

Blood. Tucker. Elliot. Kiss. Family. Partner. Bruises. Pension. Love. These words swirled like a slow moving tornado inside of her head. She was lost in the feeling of Ed's dick sticking in her mouth, and a faint cool line where her own blood had made it's way down the inside of her thigh to the bed underneath.

He had dropped the knife to the floor after removing it, though she had no idea. Her face was being slammed into his body as he pumped himself down into the back of her throat.

Her mouth. The same one her partner had kissed earlier, just before professing his love to her.

The same one Harris had come so close to taking.

The same one Tucker has taken on so many more occasions she could never count.

Tucker hurt her.

Harris had hurt her.

Elliot. Elliot would never hurt her. Though she'd never be able to give herself to him now, not after her defilement, he had showed her that she was worthy of something more. Something she had never had. Respect maybe, or just a little consideration would be enough.

She wasn't getting it from Tucker.

He held her head tightly in his hands, jerking and moaning as he pumped himself empty deep in the back of her mouth. She swore to herself that would be the last time. She'd never allow herself that shame again.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" She managed to ask after she had swallowed and cleared her throat to the point where she could breathe freely again.

"Oh, you know I did." Ed ran his hand through her long strands as he pulled away "Baby your mouth is so damn hot. I really don't know which I love more, your mouth or your ass." He slapped her right cheek hard. "You can get up, get dressed. I'm tired. I promise I'll fuck that ass next time," he added, like she would really care.

She felt like she had a new lease on life. It seemed like her thinking was now cloud-free, and clearer than any sunny day. She knew what she wanted, and what had to happen. Saying 'no' would come as easy to her as reciting Miranda rights to someone. Though Ed Tucker had left permanent scars on her body, and maybe even inside as well, he would never again be able to touch her so intimately. That much she promised herself.

As she got up, trying not to smear so much of her blood on his bed, Olivia's foot landed on the knife Ed had dropped. She smiled to herself, knowing what it was from the cold metal that hit the bottom of her foot. Glancing at him as his back was turned, pulling on his clothing, Olivia quickly reached for it.

Holding it tightly, she took the six or seven steps towards him. This was how it had to end. This was the only way. She'd sacrifice herself for Elliot, all the while saving a little of her soul.

Cutting flesh deep was harder than she expected. The knife ran smoothly though, right across his throat. She couldn't see his face, had no desire to either. She had seen enough.

As she turned, Olivia heard him fall heavily on the wooden floor. She wouldn't look. She just wanted to leave. However far she went, Olivia knew well that she would be in this room when CSU investigated. It would be her undoing. It would be soon enough.


	8. Chapter 8 Aftermath

**Disclaimer**: For those of you who think I'm grand enough to have thought up these charaters on my own, you're soooo damn wrong. Dick Wolfe owns them, and NBC carries L&O SVU. I'm just making up scenerios and playing with characters.

**A/N**- I'm updating as fast as I can, but like you, I have a life other than just sitting and writing. Good grief, I have a husband and a 17 yr. old. Both have drove me crazy, and it takes most of my time trying to gain back a little sanity for myself. I want to thank those of you who are still reviewing, please continue to do so. I'd love to hear suggestions or things you don't like as well as what you do. Now, on with the show!

**Ch.8- Aftermath**

How she had gotten home was a blur. All she could really remember was the chill in the night air, or maybe that had been the iciness in her blood now. She sat, sprawled out on her kitchen floor, leaning back against the hard wooden cabinet. She was barefoot, the clear polish on her toes reflecting the light from the ceiling. Still wearing her jeans, there were blood stains that had seeped along the inseam. The crotch was tight from where she had stuffed her otherwise useless panties in, needing something to serve as a padding for the small cuts the knife had gifted her. Her eyes scanned her tee, where her nipples were protruding from. No bra. She had left it, not that it would have been any use to her now. It was just another scrap of fabric, another useless reminder of him. She had enough of those. It would be right where it had fallen, on his bedroom floor. Not that anyone would recognize it. It really didn't matter to her. She was left all over his room. Her clothing, her blood, her hair, her DNA.

Twirling the disk she had sense enough to remind herself to take, she knew it wouldn't be long. Ed Tucker was a man who would be missed. Sometime in the morning, an hour or two after he did not show for work, or answer either of his phones, someone would be sent, probably a couple of uni's in their crisp, freshly dry cleaned navy blues, to check on him. From then it would be just a short wait for the DNA to be a match to her own, already in the system as required by the State.

Had she not wanted a little time alone, maybe she would find herself in her Captain's office, confessing to the crime. Yes, it would be him she would go to. She would owe him that little decency.

Picturing Elliot's face would not be hard. There would be a mass of confusion running down his cheeks, along with two thin lines of wetness. He would think it was a betrayal, her going against everything they have ever believed in, and worked so hard against. The devastation would be so extreme he would refuse himself the favor of believing she was capable of such a crime.

The disk shattered in three pieces before she realized the pressure she was putting on it. She'd get rid of it before morning. After all, all this was for Elliot. The same Elliot who had kissed her, and mumbled the sacred words she had longed to hear from him for so long. Her heart had to look like the disk she now held in both hands.

Thoughts of her mother came to her and she couldn't help but smile. She would miss visiting her grave. It eased her, knowing her mother had died before seeing herself charged and convicted for murder.

This time alone had given her insight. There wasn't too many who would miss her, only possibly one who would visit her once she was tucked away for life. She wanted that. A mass of people feeling sorry for her on the weekends during visiting hours was not what Olivia wanted to be. She would live out her days as best she could alone, with just the thoughts of him and his kiss. That would give her the only strength she'd need to carry on, to face the day to day drama of prison life as she knew it. She had already resigned herself to being there and giving in. She was broken.

It was funny. She knew the knife had cut deep when she had pulled it across his throat. Yet she wore none of his blood. Yes, she stood behind him, but not even her hand had caught the slightest markings. Maybe it was a sign that she could wash herself clean, that there was still time. She could go back….clean the scene. Olivia knew how, what to do. Retrace her steps and rid his apartment of the evidence, maybe even the body.

That wasn't Olivia. She had already resigned herself to her impending trial and tribulations. She wouldn't plea anything other than guilty. She was never the innocent soul most thought her to be anyway. She was tainted, and now more than ever her blood ran cold.

So she sat, waiting for the light of morning. Maybe she'd go on in to work, see the squad for the last time. Maybe things would even seem like normal to her. Maybe they wouldn't be able to see the bloody aura that surrounded her now. She could take the time to really appreciate those she loved, for what time she had left. Yes, that was her plan. Go and take the time to smell the roses, so to speak.

**Stabler Residence**

For what little time he had gotten to lie down, Elliot had not been able to close his eyes. Sleep was lost to him for another night. He could go without. He had been trained for that sort of thing in the Marines. What the Marines didn't drill into him, the NYPD had.

He turned over, knowing he had to pull himself up in a few. It was already going to be a long day, with Olivia on his mind. He sighed, closed his eyes and saw her, saw the look of shock on her face. He had kissed her. Finally. It had only taken him twelve long, agonizing years to do so. The timing had sucked.

Smiling, he remembered the first time he had saw her. He had liked her then, even before being introduced properly. She looked strong, determined, and oh, so damn beautiful. Her long hair up in a pony tail, he remembered the aroma of her shampoo as she strutted by for the first time. He'd never forgotten it. It had changed through the years, but he'd bet his life he would have no problem identifying it now.

Her voice, her smile; both pulled at him like nothing ever had before. Then he saw her eyes. He gazed deep, not being able to help himself, and had blushed when she had caught him looking. It had been too easy to get lost in them over the years.

Damning the annoying beeping, Elliot reached for the alarm, knocking a little quiet time back into it. He could be a few minutes late. They wouldn't start anything big without him.

It was just too damn good, thinking of her like this. There was no doubt she was his better half. He laughed out loud to himself, thinking of what Olivia would have to say to that. Yea, he knew she wasn't so good. She was a cop after all. All cops had to be tough on the inside. Olivia had quite a bit more toughness than the average cop.

He knew of her past, of her mother and her father, of the legacy they had left inside of her. She had never been able to overcome either. He knew of her college years, of all the mistakes she had made…and was probably still making. None of that made a difference. Elliot loved her. He loved her with a passion stronger than anyone or anything he ever knew or heard of. She was what made him, defined him. Olivia had always given him hope, and peace. Deep down, though she had never said, Elliot knew she had always returned his love.

He had no idea what the day would bring. Nervous couldn't even begin to describe his insides. Yearning to see her, he finally pulled himself up, sitting on the side of the bed, stretching. As he stretched his arms up, his naked, sculptured form took on an even sexier vision.

For the first time in his life, he was afraid. As he stretched, Elliot felt his abs ripple in fear and butterflies in his stomach. Breakfast wasn't an option, he'd never hold anything down. This morning was different. It was out in the open. Maybe not everything, and definitely not what needed to be, but what was most important was. He needed to keep reminding himself of that. That's all that mattered anymore.

**16 Precinct**

It was like the quiet before the storm, or at least as quiet as a squad room can get. That's how she saw it, as she sat at her desk, for what she thought would be the last time. Olivia had never really know how well that desk had fit her. The height perfect, the length just long enough for both her arms, and to reach across to her partner's without having to get up and walk. Her chair was just that, hers. It was almost funny as she realized that her ass had imprinted both cheeks on the seat. Really she was clueless as to when that happened, because more often than not, she was out in the field with Elliot.

He was staring. As their eyes met, Olivia took a deep breathe, again reminding herself that all she had done was for him. Though he would not understand, she hoped that somehow he would realize she had a reason, a damn good one. The battle now complete, the war almost over, she let her eyes glaze over with tears she would not allow to fall; she would not allow Elliot to see. Crying to her would be like she lost him altogether. She knew better. That kiss was for her, from deep within him. No matter what happened next, what was said, Olivia knew she would always have his heart. That was to be her sunrise and sunset for the rest of her life behind bars.

Scattered around her desk were mostly inanimate objects; things that wouldn't care if they were used by her or the owner of the next star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. What few personal effects she did have, she knew Elliot would take care of, along with her apartment and its various cheap nothings. Her life dwindled down to a few odd possessions that probably no one else would care for, what little clothing she had besides her work frocks, and maybe just a few things that were really personal to her. It was sad, really.

Special Victims existed before she came, and she was certain the unit would go on without her. It would be no time before someone claimed her desk and chair as their own, and even her partner. It was time to let go.

Elliot Stabler told himself that today would be the day she would talk. It wasn't going to be pretty, as a matter of fact, it was probably going to be rather nasty between them. He wasn't looking forward to it. However, he needed answers. Hell, he wanted some truth. He deserved that much from her.

She was eyeing him. He wasn't going to call her on it. Not here, in front of everyone. He'd wait until he had her in a room- whether the interview or interrogation. He'd keep quiet for now, still wondering why she had deemed it so necessary to lie to him all this time.

Checking his watch along with the clock on the far wall, Elliot figured he could coerce her into taking a break in an hour or so. A small one, just long enough for him to get a feel of what was going on in her head. He could do that. No one else could, but he could. He may not be able to read her mind, but he damn well can figure out her feelings easily.

Especially last night. He knew as soon as his lips had touched hers that she was already in left field with him. It was just a meeting of minds, a joining of hearts that had been barred from each other for too long.

It had taken three hours before the call came in. Donald Cragen had answered the offending device, damning Bell for inventing the thing once more. From the other end of the line, a voice, a deep familiar male voice, slowly and with great exertion, told the tale of who and what had been found just an hour before. It silenced the elder Captain like few things had in the past.

After gaining his breath, and hanging up the line, he shuffled into the next room where his squad resided. "Listen up," the Captain began, but not in the demanding voice his job usually warranted. "This morning while most of you were still having your coffee, Lieutenant Ed Tucker was found dead in his home."

A few audible gasps could be heard, but most were strictly silent, not wanting to add how badly they hated the SOB anyway. Things like that were best kept quiet in times like this.

"Cap?" Fin, always needing to know the details, was the first to ask.

"Someone cut his throat. CSU is in the process of scouring his home, but from what I understand, they haven't found anything yet. I'll let you know as I find out the details." He turned, heading back to his home away from home, leaving the unit dumbstruck.

"Wish I could say I did it." Fin put on a pretend smile, gaining several grins from some uniform officers beside him. "Damn, I wonder who did?"

Olivia sat silent. She really wasn't paying attention to Fin, or to anyone. Her head was wrapped around the fact that her Captain had just said that CSU had found nothing. There was no way that could have been true. She was all over his bedroom…hell all over him. Her bra was left there. Her blood…

Why would they be lying? Is it some trick? She was a detective, she knew hundreds of tricks, and how to lie to get what she wanted from a perp.

'My God, I am a perp,' she thought to herself. They had to be trying to get her to confess. That was the only way things made sense. She was ahead of them though. They'd have to come for her. She had made up her mind. She was staying silent, living her life until she was cuffed. Even then the only words from her mouth would be "Guilty, your Honor."

Never was she going to lie to Elliot again. Never was she going to admit to fucking Tucker. Never would Elliot find out what had went on. Never would she defile herself again with thoughts of Ed Tucker. She'd write a simple statement, stating only that she was there, and that she slit his throat. She say the same thing in court. No one could deny it, it was true. It was all that needed to be said on her behalf. She had killed a cop.

**A/N**- I had promised longer chapters, but this one screamed at me to stop it here. So I did it on purpose.


	9. Chapter 9 Wounded

**A/N**- Thank you again for those of you who reviewed. Please take a minute to do this, to really tell me what you think of the story, and/or how you should think it ends.

**Disclaimer:** As always, the characters are not mine. The show (L&O- SVU) is not mine either. I just have them in my sandbox to play with.

**Ch.9- Wounded**

**16 Precinct**

All morning she had waited, imagining one scenario after another of how they would come and lead her away. She had recited names, from uni's to her superiors, wondering who among them would be the lucky bastard to cuff her. She had almost laughed out loud at one point, thinking that just maybe she had gone insane.

It was now late afternoon, and Olivia had gotten nervous. It shouldn't have taken this long. There had been little news from IAB, which Cragen had relayed promptly into the squad room as soon as he had heard. CSU had finished this morning. Nothing, or so the word had passed, had been found at the scene. IAB was conducting a full investigation spanning a square mile radius of his home. They had an entire precinct tied up.

Olivia had gotten next to nothing done. She was thankful today her captain paid little attention. The only one who did was now clearing his throat for the third time in the past minute.

"Liv, we need that finished before tomorrow, you know." He was choosing the lighter approach, not wanting to fight here and now. A hell of a lot of talking needed to be done, but not now. The time for that would come soon enough, and Elliot had already made up his mind. She would talk.

"I know, I'm just tired. Need some coffee," she stated as she rose from her chair, heading toward their own little café. She needed it strong today. Not because she was tired, although she should be after being up all night last night. She needed the dark, bitter flavor to overcome the gagging sensation the taste of vomit had left in her mouth earlier.

Olivia seemed calm as she poured her cup full. She was intent on staying that way, no use in getting upset, it was over and done. She did what she had to, what she wanted to for a change. Thinking about such a thing for almost the span of a year, it was easy to say she was comfortable with her choice.

What she wasn't comfortable with was the time that had passed, and the idea that something had to be going on. Comprehending a few ideas, Olivia came to the conclusion that she had to find out something. Obviously her Captain was keeping everyone in the dark, maybe even for her own benefit. Either that or IAB was keeping the lid on the investigation. There was no reason why it should have taken so long. She figured she did everything but leave her name, address, phone and badge number for them.

His sighing had gotten contagious. As she let out a long winded breath, she returned to her seat to drink her coffee and maybe reconsider her options. She could still turn herself in. Her Captain's door seemed to be waiting, open wide, for her to waltz in.

Damn her for being so calm. Elliot Stabler could not fathom how his partner was just sitting there…relatively doing nothing. After the turn of events last night, he figured she would be a total bitch of a woman today. A little emotion had shone in her though, but nothing like he imagined. It was almost like it was the complete opposite of what she should have been.

If ever anyone had a strong disposition, it was Olivia Benson. That much he was quite sure about. She was the strongest woman he knew. Hell, she could be one of the strongest men he knew as well. Either way, Olivia Benson was not only physically tough, but mentally as well. Today proved it.

Being in his own little dream world of her, Elliot only caught the last few steps she had taken before vanishing out the squad room door. It wasn't quite time to take off, and Cragen sure hadn't sent any of them home, so he assumed she was slipping out again. Only this time, she wouldn't be alone.

**Across the street from Tucker's block**

It was typical for the NYPD to think more of their own than the average victim. Olivia despised the idea. A victim was a victim, whether it be a small child or a lone hooker or Edward Tucker. Everyone was someone in her book.

It had most likely been a circus that morning. Olivia, thinking the only way to really find out what was going on was to return to his apartment, had made her way towards his street. She knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but if she had ever walked that line lately, she would not need to be doing exactly what she was doing.. Which was trying to determine if she could slip, unnoticed, back inside.

The whole street had been marked, the crime scene tape looking like a kid had run rampant with it. She counted four squad cars, minus the unmarked two on the opposite end of the street from her. Officers lazily strolled, making their presence known. And this was the street behind his place. She could only imagine what patrolled the front.

She waited and watched for five or six minutes, standing quietly in the shadows next to Candy's Confections and the beginning of a row of townhouses. She had walked through the narrow alley behind her, carefully watching for any surprises while inhaling the sweet smells of sugar she had so often let lift her spirits after leaving him. Unlike before, the aroma just did not have the same sweet smell. It was heavy and dark and reminded her of the cold. Like death.

They say on a clear day you can see forever. Well even though the sun had shone bright on this mid Spring day, Olivia could only see so far to the back door she was targeting. After that she knew it was simple enough to scoot up the stairs and into this room. That was Plan A. It was her only plan.

She had her own keys. Tucker had made sure of it. In the midst of this mess, however, Olivia knew that most likely the doors had been left open. At least for now. The NYPD had a weakness in their own pride, figuring no one would even try to get in with so many cops around. She bet it was easier than the average person thought.

Although no traffic could come through, the street was heavily populated with vehicles, and it was easy for Olivia to hide behind the van parked in front of the Confections business. Obviously it was used for catering, as she noticed the fancy writing on the side before she turned to lie her back flat against it. Closing her eyes and whispering words of hope, she planned her next move. She needed to cross the street. Now she just needed another barrier to hide behind.

The tug that pulled her arm was blinding in pain at her wrist and shoulder. Yet, Olivia made no sound, only a slight whimper. As her eyes opened and focused on something other than the quickly passing objects, she found herself being led back to the narrow alley she had came from. As far as nightmares go, this maybe could have been her worst.

"What the living hell you doing, Olivia?" Elliot Stabler was angry. His face painted a whole new shade of red, but due to the grace of God, he somehow kept from screaming at her. Pushing her up against the wall, deep in the alley, he held her firmly.

"Elliot…Why are you here?" Surprise a modest word to describe what she was feeling.

"I could ask you the same thing," he spit back, looking quickly in both directions. He felt her hands grasp his wrists, pushing back to get free. He tightened his hold. "The only place you're going is with me."

"Elliot, I have to…" She let her guard down a little, so close to where she needed to be, just for a moment or two.

"Liv, get in the car," he pointed to the opposite end of the alley, where the sedan now sat in wait. He wondered just how much it would take to get her in that car, as he saw her glance a look toward the direction of Tucker's place. "Liv," he whispered closer to her, "there's nothing left in there."

As required by the NYPD, and the state of New York, all employees are tested every year during their physical for any hearing abnormalities. She had always passed with flying colors. However, times like these, Olivia questioned the nature of their testing, the equipment they used. For all good things sacred and endearing, she had thought she heard her partner saying something to the effect of 'there's nothing left in there'.

The unbelief showed on her face. She lost the strength in her hands and arms, and dropped his wrists. Her legs felt wobbly, and the thought occurred to her that she just might slip down the wall she was leaning against any second.

"We need to talk." Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder, gently leading her towards their vehicle.

**Stabler Residence**

"I told Cap we needed to leave early," he explained as he led her inside, shutting the door and locking it behind them. The lock just guaranteeing them even more privacy, although he expected no one to just barge in.

He tossed his keys over to the table, almost sending them off the other end.

"You want to start? Tell me what the hell's going on?" His voice wasn't loud, nor was it calm and soft either.

There was the question she had been waiting for during the extraordinarily long drive to his place, and it had been much closer than driving all the way across town to hers. The simple fact was, she had no idea what to tell him. There was always the option to lie again, that option opening door upon door upon door, until the maze she had created had consumed her into oblivion. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad right now.

Then as she looked at her partner, and remember the sacred words he had finally told her, Olivia knew the only thing to tell him. It wasn't the whole truth, nor was it a whole lie. They were words he would have to come to terms with. He'd probably never forgive her, but the reasons behind it all were still best hidden and maybe even forgotten.

"I wanted inside." It was all she could start with.

"Inside." He had no idea why he repeated her.

"I couldn't believe nothing was there, Elliot." Her voice was low, and she sank her body even lower on his sofa, noticing the spring that stuck out against the back of her thigh. It felt sharp, even through her work pants.

Elliot nodded, taking a minute to sit beside her. Maybe she would explain things this time.

"Elliot," the lump in her throat grew bigger, and suddenly she wanted to cry. "I had been….Ed Tucker and I…" She could not bring herself to finish. This would kill Elliot for sure. It had already ingrained within herself death and destruction, and a web of lies she would no doubt add knots to on this day as well.

"You had been with him." Speaking firmly, but softly, he finished the thought for her. He couldn't look at her. For the love of God, he had ran this over his mind a million times, but came up with no reasons why she had done such a thing; had sex with him.

"Liv, I followed you that night. I followed you to Tucker's. I was afraid someone was taking my partner away from me. I watched and waited. You didn't stay long. I watched you leave and I wanted to confront Tucker. I found the door unlocked, went in, found his body." Elliot stopped, ran his hands over his face. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I panicked, Liv. Couldn't believe you would do such a thing." Out of the corner of his eye he saw her lower her head, rubbing her hands along the tops of her thighs. "So I cleaned it up. Couldn't let you go down, whatever the reason. I just….I love you too much." The last words were so low, a decrescendo in musical terms.

Now it made sense. She was still a free woman. Elliot had taken care of her, had taken care of the mess she had made. He had put himself on the line for her once again. He had known, all this day, as he sat across from her. He had known and not said a word. She couldn't fathom a love so strong that would make a man, with a powerfull will such as Elliot's, toss his belief's into a mixer and laugh at them. It was then that the tears slowly began to make their way down her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Elliot," Olivia whispered. That's all she could give him right now.

Nodding, he stood up and looked at her. "Why don't you stay here. I know you'll probably not eat much, but I'll order and then we can finally get some sleep maybe. Neither of us slept last night. "You still have a bag in the car?"

"Yea," she replied, knowing what he meant. She kept a spare personal bag in the trunk, along with his. In their job, they needed it quite often in the field.

"I'll go get it. Make yourself at home, huh? Maybe later we can talk some more, if you want."

She heard the door shut and wondered just how much more she could talk about with him. He hadn't gotten angry with her. What he was, was hurt. She knew it took a huge bite from his heart. That wound would bleed for some time, and the healing would be slow.

**Another A/N-** How slow will the healing of Elliot's broken heart be? And will he really find out why Liv was having sex with him? Stay tuned for more...


	10. Chapter 10 Answers, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** As always, I am not the original creator and I am only playing with them in my sandbox. Come play with me.

**Ch. 10- Answers, Part 1**

Elliot did not have the view that she had from her apartment. His few windows framed the faded red of the brick from the building next door. She supposed people could actually fit on the fire escape, given they were thin and in a single line. Being probably as old as Elliot himself, the metal was rusted and she wouldn't be at all surprised if a weight limit had been put on it of about the average of three or four persons, maybe.

"Elliot, I don't understand," she began, turning back to face her partner from the window. "Just what exactly did you clean up at Tucker's? How do you know you got everything?"

He really didn't like the question. He knew what she was leading to. The answer could suffocate him, but he could in no way shut down the conversation. She was talking, and his part in this made his voice just as important. "Well, wasn't really too hard Olivia. I'm your partner, ya know." He caught her eyes, and when she nodded, he continued. "I know pretty much what's not suppose to be there, and where to look for it. I started out with the usual…got rid of the bedding, his clothes, YOUR clothes, little things I thought you might have touched. I scrubbed everything with that cleaner we have in the trunk of the sedan…the same one CSU cleans with. I vacuumed the mattress before I remade it, and the floors." He seemed to stop a moment, taking a few deeper breaths. "Then I…" He started to say something, but could only finish with a hand motion.

"Then what, El?" She was hoping she knew what he was going to say, that he covered everything. Her heart beat fast. It had to be tearing him up inside.

"I picked him up, put him in the tub, scrubbed those places where…..fluids…then placed him back just as he was laying in the pool of blood. Tried my damndest to keep from getting anything else on him from me. I don't know if it worked Liv…I just know I had to try. It's the only thing I could think of. I didn't think I could get the body out of there without…" He had to stop again, shifting in his seat at the table. "I know it had to look like the scene had been tampered with. I know they'll have to know that much. Even the cleaning will scream that, but I wasn't letting your DNA be there, Liv."

Olivia was quiet. She was confused as to how to feel. Relieved, at knowing she could go free. Thankful, her partner was the only one who knew, and had been the one to save her. Angry, for getting him involved, when he should be anything but. Worried, they still might have found something, some small shred of evidence, be it from her or her partner. Earlier she had worked herself up to the point of resignation, but now that had shattered with knowing Elliot was involved.

"What did you do with the evidence, El?"

He was smarter than the average criminal. He covered his tracks, and hopefully hers too. "Let's just say there's a dumpster over in Jersey that played host to a bonfire last night. Don't worry, Liv, I got rid of everything. Hell I even torched the vacuum." He watched as she paced the floor, knowing both of them were a long way from really worrying. They were both in way too deep to rest easy for some time. "Tell me why."

She closed her eyes. It was her turn. He had spilled it all, and she was certain he had told the truth. The tides had shifted her way, and Olivia imagined herself sinking, drowning in a deep pool of blue. Or maybe that was his eyes.

"Was he the one who did that," pointing to her arm where they both knew she was tender and bruised. It wasn't really a question, for he already knew the answer.

She nodded silently.

"I know it's something you don't want to talk about, Liv. That tells me you weren't really an active participant." There was no way she willingly fucked Tucker. That was not an option in his book.

"You're wrong." She shook her head slightly, hoping it would help shake off some of the pain this would cause both of them. "I did it because I wanted to, Elliot."

"No."

"Yes. I chose to, whether you believe me or not. I did. I don't know how to prove it to you." Now she wondered if his offer to spend the night still stood, or if he'd throw her out on her ass like he should.

"Let's say you did. You wanted to. What changed…why did you have to kill him Liv? It had to be something really horrible for you to take a life. Anyone's life."

"He was going to hurt me." She said the words out in a rush. It was nothing more than a way to stall the inevitable. He'd never accept that, not without a more vital explanation.

"He already did, Liv. It's late, I think we both need some sleep. You want the…"

"I'll be fine here, thanks." She drew up her legs, crossing her ankles on the sofa. Thankful for the time, she leaned back and watched him disappear through another door.

Tonight was going to be another long night. There was too much to think of, and she wasn't in her own bed. At that thought, she realized that her partner was just a room away, and they were alone. Really alone with nothing but their hopes and dreams, and nightmares.

Finally she had awakened at four. Elliot had kept checking on her, himself only able to catch a few naps. She had stumbled to the bathroom, the squeaking of the door hinges an audible verification. He sat up in bed, scratched his head, and wondered how long she had been going without sleep. He knew Olivia, and if she could sleep after any traumatic event, it meant she was totally exhausted. Usually she would have been up for days with him on a case. It was the only way her body could shut itself down, if it did involuntarily.

Battered and bruised, and now he found out she had been going without sleep. Elliot gritted his teeth, trying not to allow any anger to come forth. He really did not want to fight. Once started, fighting only pushed her to run. Right now he wanted her to stay…and talk. To finally open up those channels she had blocked from him. So close to being where he wanted with her, now wasn't the time to chase her away. He had to get to the bottom of things.

He was waiting for her when she returned from the bathroom; waiting in the semi-darkness of his living room, on the piece of scrap furniture he called a sofa on which she had made her bed. It had not surprised her.

"Do you realize what I did for you?" His words came a little harsh, but nowhere near the explosive anger she suspected she'd be seeing before the night was over. "I cleaned a crime scene for you. I'm covering up a murder, for you. I'm going against what I…oh hell Liv, what I thought WE believed in," his voice getting louder with each word, but still low enough to keep the conversation between the two of them. "Damn woman, I washed Tucker's dick for you!"

The last sentence jarred her core. She had not really thought of it that way, but he had. He had washed away all trace evidence of Tucker ever having been touched by her. Elliot had went to extreme measures for her. It really sunk in. To her it was like an epiphany.

"Oh my God, Elliot." Olivia wrapped her arms around herself, not knowing what to do, whether to sit or stand or pace the floor again. "You really did that for me."

"I'd do anything for you."

It was more than just hard for her to belive in any man, especially one who had told her he loved her. But this was Elliot. Elliot was a man of his word, and he had proved that time and time again to her. There sure was no reason to doubt him now.

Silence filled the apartment, somewhat cool from the night Spring air. It would be hot during the Summer months here, with no real way for any fresh air to come in through the windows. The heating and air unit was usually best described as being for show. Elliot hated this place, but had little choice at the time when he needed a place, and quickly.

Deciding that neither of them would be able to sleep anymore, Elliot put on a pot of coffee. He liked having her here, having Liv close to him, here for coffee in the early morning. It just hurt like hell for her to be here under these circumstances.

As Olivia watched him, she thought of the life she could have here. Coffee with Elliot in the morning, would be….well different. That much was for sure. It wouldn't be coffee at the stationhouse, or down at the diner on the corner where they met for breakfast some mornings. It would be real coffee, real time to spend with each other, real feelings conveyed between them for once. It had never occurred to her that it would ever really be an option for her.

Would it still? With the lies she had twisted and used, and with what she had done, and then with all she had still not told him. Would he still want her?

He had not thrown her out on her sorry ass last night.

She owed him. She owed him for taking her bullshit, for cleaning up her mess, for covering for that sorry ass of hers. He's still here, beside her, taking care of her. He's so hurt and angry at her, but he's not allowing it show. He's just waiting for her to come clean. Patience was never one of his virtues, but he's always been more calm with her. Yes, she owes him, and she needs to show him just how much she wants to hold onto him.

It all comes down to trust. Olivia trusts him as much as he trusts her.

She watches as he reaches for two of the larger cups after flipping on the overhead light in the kitchen.

He pours his black, it's befitting the mood this morning. Hers he needs to sweeten a little, and adds a little cream to lighten her heart.

Knowing she's standing behind him, he turns to give her the cup. He almost drops it, but somehow manages to sit it back on the countertop next to his.

Her arms are over her head, her tee slipping easily off. She naked underneath, and he sees for the first time some of the real damage she's taken.

He's awestruck, and can hardly move. He wants to do something, anything, but he's frozen like an iceburg. He wants to close his eyes and make believe she's not there, he's not seeing this. Yet he knows it's real.

Her side is one large bruise, a deep purple surrounded by a wide red ring. He knows it's not been there long.

She has a large handprint on her left arm.

There's a bite mark on her breast. It has to be from the other night.

Not asking him to close his eyes, Olivia slowly drops her bottoms, slipping everything off, leaving nothing but the seemingly tattooed handiwork of Tucker's.

Crying and anger was not on the forefront of his mind when he envisioned seeing Olivia naked for the first time. He swears to himself that if Tucker wasn't already dead, he would be soon enough.

As she slowly turns, he watches the bruises turn with her. Now he understands. At least he understands why she killed him.

Her cheeks are covered with red splotches, and what looks like healing welts. Tucker beat her. Anger begins to fume within him to an uncontrollable point. Tiny beads of sweat break out on his forehead.

Elliot wonders what else he did to her, what things he can't see the scars from?

Most importantly he wants to know why. Why would she allow this to even happen at all? That's not the type of woman Olivia is. He wants to ask, but he holds his tongue in hopes she will finally tell him everything.

First she needs to get dressed.

There are fresh tears in her eyes when he motions for her to put her clothes back on. He wants to hold her, comfort her, but he can't so much as touch her right now. Not when she's naked.

**A/N-** I broke down the 'Answers' chapter into two parts to make it shorter and easier to read. Part 2 on its way...


	11. Chapter 11 Answers, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I'm not grown up enough to own them, even though I'm over 40. I still like to play with toys. Neither am I competent enough to put together a TV show.

**A/N-** This chapter is a bit shorter, but it had to be ended where I did.

**Ch.11- Answers, Part 2**

They sat across from each other at his table, close enough to where their hands brushed each others as they held their respective cups, warming their fingers. His chair rocked slightly from an off level leg. It didn't bother him, only annoyed Olivia as she tried to drink her coffee in silence.

"Please, if you're not going to say anything, at least stop that."

"I think you're the one who needs to say something, Liv. I've said all I know to say. I've asked you questions that you haven't answered. I think I deserve some answers." Elliot rubbed his right temple, wondering if his head was beginning to hurt because of lack of sleep or the situation they were in. He needed more coffee.

Sorry she had opened her mouth again, Olivia sighed. She needed to tell him, but her head told her 'no' as her heart argued a 'yes'. It was make or break, truth or dare. What she did now was the deciding factor of her future. Her mouth had opened to speak, then closed again, now for the second time, and she could tell Elliot was getting impatient.

"You kissed me." It wasn't what he wanted, but it was something. "It wasn't just a kiss for either of us, was it?"

"I like to think not. I know it wasn't for me. I love you, don't you get that? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, Liv. I'll always love you. I'm not going to leave you." That was what she was afraid of, he knew.

"When I told you I willingly had sex with Tucker, I wasn't lying."

"Liv," he tried cutting her off.

"No, Elliot let me finish." She took a moment to gather her thoughts and began again, "When I told you that, I told you the truth. I said yes to him, but you are right. I didn't want to. Elliot I had to." She was watching her fingers trace the rim of her cup, afraid to look at him, afraid of what she'd see that was really embedded deep in his eyes.

"Go on."

"Elliot you know that man hated us. He wanted one, or both of us gone. Instead he came up with a little game. I guess you could say I was the dice he rolled."

"What the hell." As much of a bastard as he had ever been alive, Elliot understood what Tucker would have been capable of. It was all coming to light.

"He put your job and pension on the line, El. Placed it right in the palm of my hands." She began to cry. Hopefully he'd understand her thinking. If he knew her heart so well, he had to know she would have no other choice but to commit to Tucker. Wrapping her arms around herself, she continued, "He called me, asked for a meeting one day. I went. I should have known it was nothing good when he asked me to meet him at his home. Elliot he tried to…to…" She couldn't finish, to upset for words to form.

"Okay, it's okay." Elliot had risen and circled the table, sitting beside her quickly. Her body trembled and shook with quiet sobs. Understanding why this was so hard for her, he let her set the pace. It needed to be spoken between them. Everything had to be out in the open for this to work, for them to work, for her to heal. Elliot was determined that she would heal. As for the two of them working out anything together, it was still a toss of the dice.

"I think he would have really raped me, El, if I had not agreed to his little plan," she began once her breathing evened a little. "One way or another, he had planned on getting me."

"So he told you that if you didn't fuck him, I'd be fired and lose my pension." That was pretty much the idea he had gotten.

"For the most part. I had to do everything he wanted, whenever. I'm so sorry Elliot. I should have told you or done something else…I just couldn't think of anything, and he was Internal Affairs. I knew he would carry out his threat." Her words were quicker now, and she was trying to convey her reasoning.

He nodded his understanding before putting his face in his palms, rubbing up and down. "How long, Liv?"

She was ashamed. Ashamed of not having told him sooner. Ashamed of what she had allowed, and what she had allowed herself to do in return. She was ashamed of being who she was, who she had become. "I don't really know. Going on a year, I guess." Her tears were drying, leaving glossy streaks down both cheeks. She sniffed.

For the love of God, Elliot could not fathom having gone through that for all that time. In a lifetime, a year may not be much to some, but to others who are cursed to have to endure the torments of others, it may as well have been their whole life. He saw it everyday in his job. Now it was personal.

Already tainted, this only added to her low self-esteem. Elliot now understood the months before, the strange behavior she had omitted. There had been self doubt cursing her veins as she worked along side him. It was the only way her body knew to survive. She had been trying to tell him, trying so very hard without words to tell him that something was so very wrong. He knew it. Why did he not listen to her body language more acutely? Why did he not push her?

"You were worth it, Elliot. I don't regret it. What I did." Knowing he had been thinking heavily about what she had gone through for that long, Olivia needed him to understand she did what she wanted, and she made the right decision. "I'd do it all again."

"I just, I just feel like it's all my fault," he spoke as left his seat, beginning to take the same pacing path Olivia had used before.

Ringing loudly, his cell interrupted his pace.

Olivia slipped into the bathroom quietly, half listening to what Elliot was saying to someone and half thinking of how to remove his self blaming. It was then she realized she had to pee again anyway. It was the coffee.

Her side still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. Everything else was mild in comparison. It burned when she peed. She needed to be looked at down there, where the blade had slid along her tissues. She knew it wasn't bad, but there could still be something there that could complicate things as it healed. Maybe she did need a stitch or two. There was no way to get the medical care she needed, not when she'd have to explain the injury. Maybe she should tell Elliot. It was funny, the idea embarrassed her. After all that had come out, after stripping naked in his kitchen, she could still be embarrassed by such a little thing.

Hitching the first flight to the end of the Earth sounded good about now. There was just too much to think of, to handle, to find answers to. This was a new weight on her, and she had no idea how to carry the load. Not only was it heavy, but it was binding to her very soul. To remove it would be to destroy her. Destroy Elliot.

Tucker had to be laughing his ass off in the Hell he was bound to be in.

Her face seemed to have changed. It wasn't the same as the one that stared back at her in her own mirror in her own bathroom. It had to be the mirror. She hadn't changed.

Glancing at the clock as she walked back in his living room, she wondered if she could face another day at the precinct. It seemed that any and all excuses she could dream up she had already given to her Captain in the past months. She had to go. Maybe along the way score some kind of sedative off the street. It wasn't like she had never broke the law before.

"We can't go in today, Liv," his voice broke her concentration.

"What, why?"

"That was Fin. Cap wants us in ASAP. I kinda had to tell Fin a few things, Liv. He had said a couple from IAB came in last night for awhile, dragging Cap out of bed, and they had a long meeting. He's sure it had something to do with Tucker. I had to tell him, Liv," he repeated, finally looking at her to see how she was handling the news. "Fin's going to try and find out what it was about. But right now, we need to make some decisions, and fast." He walked over to her, taking her hands in his. "Liv, if they have something, on one or either of us, or both of us…hell we'll be put on death row. We can't get out of this, we're both guilty. I can't live without you, knowing you're behind bars for the rest of your life, however long that will be. And I hope you feel the same way about me. Liv, we have to run. Come with me, now."

She was trying really hard to process all of what he was saying. The trouble being it was an overload. There had been too much lately trying to seethe through her thick skull, and her body was filtering so slowly. Olivia was still trying to process things that had happened months ago when Tucker was still alive.

"Liv, are you listening?" Elliot shook her a little, getting her attention. "We need to be ready to go. I'll pack a bag, then we'll swing by your place and pick up one for you. Are you with me?" He had never been more serious.

The tone in Fin's voice had scared him, after he replayed some of the events to his friend and coworker. Elliot would trust no one else. Their friendship was tight.

Not being able to speak, she stared, wide eyed, and just nodded an up and down motion.

"Good, get dressed. I'm gonna pack real fast and we'll be on our way."

"Elliot, wait. Your kids…" It had hit her like a concrete wall, cold and hard. He had chosen her over his family. He knew the risks. He was a cop.

"It's okay. They'll be okay," he tried to reassure himself, stopping to pull a family photo off the wall to carry with him. "We have to hurry."

**A/N-** Hope you liked the ending here; there are quite a few scenerios you can imagine happening. Stay tuned for more.


	12. Chapter 12 The Race Is On

**DISCLAIMER: **I am in no way affiliated with SVU or its characters. This is only a story I'm using them in for anyone's enjoyment.

**Chapter 12- The Race Is On**

Flight mode had pretty much kicked in for Elliot Stabler. It had taken him all of ten minutes to pack up what he considered his worldly possessions, and somehow guided Olivia outside with the small bag she had. He had opted to take a taxi, leaving behind any vehicles that could be traced to either of them. Nothing was worth being caught, being separated from her.

They both had gone too far. Way too far to turn back now.

After arriving at her apartment, they both set to work packing for her. Elliot had already managed to pack one bag even before Olivia had decided what to put in another.

"Liv, hurry. Whatever you don't bring, we'll buy later, okay?" He tried reasoning with her. "Liv, we have to go." Elliot stopped for a moment, placing his hand on her shoulder. He was really seeing now the toll the past year had on her. It was no wonder she did not carry herself the same way, it was a burden too heavy to be lifted by one person. She needed to know that he was here now, and no longer would she be carrying it alone. Bound and determined to force himself into the problems she was harboring for herself, Elliot took a deep breath and started again, "Liv, your money. We're gonna need money."

He knew she had plenty, from the estate settlement of her mother's. Using it would admit she had been dependent on her, so Olivia chose to set it aside for emergency purposes. Elliot considered this an emergency, and he was not above asking her for some help for himself as well as her own well being.

When her eyes met his, and she took a deeper breath, he knew she had heard him. She was in there, listening. Nodding her head, Olivia had reached for a small peach colored bunny she kept on her dresser. Tossing it in her bag, she turned to Elliot again. "I kept mom's money where she had it, the account number is in the bunny."

It had to be something she picked up off of one of those movies she watched on that Lifetime movie channel all women were fond of, he figured. As long they had something to live off of, he didn't really care where she had stashed it. He nodded in understanding right back at her.

It wasn't the money. Olivia knew she'd use it sooner or later. It wasn't the prospect of not being in New York, or even in the country she loved. Maybe it wasn't even the thought of not seeing her co-workers anymore. There was something that made her stop, turn slowly around her apartment, and really want to rethink what she was doing. It seemed she had been here forever and a day, but the fact was she wouldn't miss the moldy ceilings nor the cramped quarters. She never complained before, it had been enough. It would be enough still if given the opportunity to stay. It just felt like a piece of her. A piece that she would have to leave behind, and most likely would never see again.

There would be a piece of her left at the 16 as well. She knew that. Someone may take her job, but no one could ever take her place. Knowing she had left a mark gave her a sense of pride. Though the media would probably try to bring her reputation down because of what she had done, she knew quite a few who would never exile her from their heart. There was a small sadness to her smile as she considered her choices once more.

She may think of a hundred reasons to stay, to take the punishment she had coming. Only one to go. That one reason was greater than all the others. He was her heart and soul. Now he was giving her life as well.

He had to be the strong one now. It hurt him to watch her, processing the image of her apartment like a camera in her brain. Guilt bit him on the ass again. He was taking her away from the only real home she had ever known. Well, the safest home she had ever known. Maybe it was too much for her, or both of them; to run away and try to forget the nightmare that had changed not only themselves but their whole world.

Then it occurred to him that he would never see her again. They would both be convicted, both sentenced to a life without each other. What kind of life would that be? If they were lucky, they just might be given the little injection to push them over to the other side, where hopefully the other awaited already. That was the only way they would be together if they stayed. No other possibilities came to mind.

He had to get her away. Promising himself to make up for her lost world here, Elliot envisioned a new life for both of them. He just had to figure out where, how to get them there, and hope to God the sun would shine once they were settled. If staying here and facing the firing squad was even an option, Elliot might think it the easy way out. It was going to be no easy task, whatever was ahead of them. If God above still looked down on him, Elliot prayed that he would provide a safe path for Olivia and himself.

Dialing the familiar number, Elliot braced himself for the last call he'd make on his cell. Those had to be left behind as well. Tracing those would be too easy.

"Stabler, man, I'm glad you called. I don't know what's up, but I do know they have Cap in the interrogation room, and I overheard we're next. They're looking for you and Olivia." Fin had answered without a pause. He had been waiting for Elliot to call, knowing his fellow detective too well.

"We're getting ready to leave Liv's. Look Fin, I don't want to get you any more involved than you already are. I just wanted a heads up, I'm ditching our phones after this." It was bad.

"Understood. Hey, Stabler, just take care of her, and if you ever need anything…"

"I know. And thanks."

"Think maybe I could say goodbye to her." It wasn't like him to cry, but a lone tear cascaded down the side of his nose.

"It's not goodbye, you know," she was crying also, not above letting him hear it on the other end.

"I know baby girl. Just wanted to tell you that you know where to find me."

"Yea, I know Fin. Look, we'll get in touch as soon as we can. All I know is Elliot has me packed and I guess we're heading to LaGuardia." Elliot nodded to her, confirming her idea.

"Take care. If I can do anything to hold them off on my end, you know I will."

"Fin," Elliot picked up when Olivia could no longer speak, "Thanks man. I owe you."

"Nah. Just get outta here. Tucker's not worth any of the shit they'll put you through."

Elliot could only nod, and hope his friend could read the silence. He pressed 'END', slid off the back, and removed the battery. Doing the same for Olivia's, he left the offending devices laying on her bed, completely void of the lives they once were a valid and important part of.

It was time.

Traveling like this wasn't going to be easy. Both had a bag and a carry-on. The larger could be ditched, if necessary, but Elliot was hoping to get away with a little something just to make it easier on Olivia.

Figuring they had maybe an hour before they were declared fugitives, and anyone at the airlines were notified, Elliot knew they had to move fast.

"I love you. I want you to think about that, and that only. No matter what happens." He had stopped long enough to really look at her, to see the distress in her face. She needed reassurance more than ever. There was no way he could lighten the truth of their situation, so he chose instead to help her concentrate on something more serene; more beautiful.

She left her keys on the table, and picked up the bags, swinging them over her shoulder. Elliot had the heavy ones, already ahead of her, out the door. "Elliot," she called.

Mere steps from her door, he turned to her.

"I love you, too." Maybe God was still looking down on him. Maybe there was hope and light at the end of the tunnel. He closed his eyes momentarily, and breathed deeply.

They left, and as Olivia walked out her door for the last time, she left it open. Closing it would be like an ending. She hated endings. Nothing ever ended happily in her life.

Alone the way, Elliot had borrowed the cab driver's phone, called ahead and booked two tickets. Olivia tried to keep herself occupied, not wanting to know where they were headed. It really didn't matter to her. One place was as good as another. She tried to take it all in. Although she knew the city well, she wanted it branded in her mind. She wanted to know she could lie down at night and remember the lights, the buildings, the people. Some things just could not be taken away from you, no matter what you had done and who was doing the taking.

**_Meanwhile…_**

**16 Precinct**

Captain Cragen had informed his closest detectives that TARU had found a jackpot of evidence against Olivia and Elliot on Tucker's laptop computer. Not one of them believed any of it, although they had not been allowed to read the offending material. Not that their beliefs would help any.

It had to have been planted by Tucker some time ago, as a form of self-preservation, in case things had gotten out of hand, Fin was reasoning to himself. Although he knew little, he knew much more than everyone else, and he was trying to piece together the story from the rough outline Elliot had given him earlier. He needed to get his Captain alone, to be able to talk in private. Their Captain needed to know what had really happened, although Fin truly believed that the man already knew it must have been something bigger and more offending to Tucker, and completely out of Olivia and Elliot's hands.

Detective Tutuola had been in the line of fire before, in the hot seat across from IAB. Although it was usually Ed Tucker doing the interrogating of the SVU detectives, it felt no different today. One IAB agent was as bad as another. Right now it was Fin against three and two of his colleagues had evidence against them, supposedly for a crime they did commit. And Fin was their friend, and knew of their whereabouts. In summary, he had to lie like a dog, so to speak.

If it wouldn't have been noticed, he would have smiled a huge grin as he did so.

"So, detective, you wanna tell us where your friends are?" Fin raised a brow, thinking to himself that these fellows really were as stupid as he thought.

What he really wanted to say was, 'Hell no, I ain't gonna tell you shit. Why don't you go crawl back in the hole you came out of.' What really came out was, "I told you. I talked to Elliot earlier. He didn't say much. I can't believe you really think they had something to do with this? Stabler and Benson are the best. If something did happen between them all, and I stress 'if', then there was a damn good reason. And rest assured it wasn't Elliot and Olivia's fault." He was getting riled, and really wanted to stress his 'if' a different way, a physical way. What he was really doing was trying to get off the topic of where they were headed. He didn't have to lie if he wasn't pressed to answer.

"Detective, everyone knows your friends have a major, shall we say 'dislike', for the Lieutenant." The stiff looking businessman had the same dislike for the one he was interviewing.

They should be on the same side of the law. However, it seemed IAB had their own set of laws, and with it came some form of hatred from every policeman in the city.

"We know how many times you have spoken to Stabler. Just tell us where they were headed."

Fin let out a breath. There was no way he was going to get out of this. He had to give them an answer. He did not want to lose his job, not when the unit needed him more than ever now.

He watched his reflection in the mirrored two-way, knowing his Captain was just on the other side. He'd give his yearly salary to be able to talk with him just for a few. It wasn't going to happen. So, praying he was doing the right thing, Fin gave up.

"He didn't say where they were headed, just that they were on their way to the airport." He betrayed them. Nothing had ever felt so bad before.

"Which one?" All three agents stood immediately, ready to set forth a sprint.

He needed to give them time. He needed to redeem himself for being so selfish. He was a bastard, but what could he do? The proverbial 'corner' had him closed in, and IAB agents were suffocating him.

**LaGuardia International**

Elliot wished he had eyes in the back of his head. Time was up for them. That much he knew. The terminal was crowded and every way they turned a guard stood.

He tried pulling Olivia faster, pushing through the crowd at a record pace. It wasn't like they were the only ones rushing, on the verge of missing their flight. Things had happened rather quickly. They had gotten checked in and breezed through security without a problem. Why shouldn't they?

If anyone had checked their pulse they would have never made it by security. It would have been a dead give-away.

Olivia lost her ability to breathe. Faces of security guards seemed to be following them. Maybe they were making a scene, too anxious to leave. She slowed down.

"Liv, we've gotta catch that plane. Come on." Elliot pulled at her arm harder. "They're looking for us now. We've got to be on that plane." That's all he could say. It was a chant, a prayer, a verbal command almost.

As if he willed it, they came upon the gate. It almost shone like a gate to heaven. If only their sins were forgiven, and they could pass through…

**En Route to the airport…**

Fin had slipped in his Captain's car. He was more than thankful he could ride with them, although with two other agents inside, the ability to speak freely was still not available to him.

He watched his Captain, who glanced in the rearview mirror at him. If telepathy would ever work for him, now would be a good time. He hated having to hide things from him. He hated knowing Elliot and Olivia had, but understood why very well. Explanations would have to wait a little longer.

With a convoy of police pulling in behind them, the airport was completely raided. A mass of confusion was evoked, and a task force moved in. In a matter of minutes the entire place was being scoured for the two. There was no way the two would ever leave from there.

Fin heard the radio crackle, and a voice commanding the search of all planes before take-off. He listened intently as searches were ordered, and places were cleared. This was a major international airport, and the time it would take to clear the whole place would be hours.

"Good thing I'm in no hurry," Fin mumbled to himself.

Opportunities to laugh come few and far between in his line of work. However, as he was still in his Captain's sedan, sitting idly by, watching the great raid, Fin broke out in a wholehearted, pure laugh fest.

His Captain, walking back to the car and opening the rear door, could not believe what was happening. At all. Both the idea of his best detectives being fugitives and the idea that Tutuola was laughing over the matter was too much and too confusing to grasp. He was missing something.

**_Meanwhile….._**

They were so close. So close to being on that plane, so close to being safe. Just so close.

Elliot handed over the boarding passes for both he and Olivia. Suddenly somewhere behind them, a higher level of noise reaches his ears. It's some kind of argument, or maybe even a small riot. It took the attention of those around them. He wanted to do nothing but fly away. That had been his objective all along.

Take her and fly far, far away.

There was no way he could look. His mind told him of the mass of confusion behind him, but his eyes could only look one way. Forward. Taking her hand, he gently squeezed, relating a measure of caution that only his partner could understand coming from him.

Just a matter putting one foot in front of the other now, slowly. The interior of the plane in view, the stewardess waiting to greet them.

Was the distance of a few steps getting longer, or was the rioting sounds getting closer?

**A/N-** This brings me to the make or break point of my story. I have an idea of where I'm going, but I'd like to still hear ideas from you readers.


	13. Chapter 13 Leaving LaGuardia

**DISCLAIMER:** I'm not affiliated with Law & Order, SVU, or with any of its characters. This storyline is just to amuse me and to help you waste time.

**Ch. 13- Leaving LaGuardia**

**JFK International**

"Do you have something to tell me?" Captain Cragen leaned against the frame of the opened car door, staring intently upon his ward. He had a lot to answer to, but right now the only answer Cragen was interested in was the reason why Fin's face carried a joyful exuberance.

"Ah, Cap," he began, but stopped short, glancing each way to make sure no one was in ear shot. JFK International was loud, and the mass of law authority storming the place only added to the confusion. Fin was thankful he had a moment alone with his Captain. Then again, maybe he wouldn't be.

"Go on"

"Captain, I may have accidentally told IAB the wrong airport." There, it was out. Now to see what his Captain would do with the information.

For a moment a serious demeanor floated from his Captain's presence. Then as if the sun was breaking forth from inside him, a smile slowly lifted. "Wrong airport?"

"Yea, Cap." He had hoped his superior would react this way. He knew how much Cragen thought of Elliot and Olivia, and how well he knew them. Yet, there was still that small side of him which knew Cragen was behind the law as well.

"An accident?" A long, low laugh escaped then, as he looked toward the building.

Cragen knew IAB would blow up in smoke if they found out. He knew his detective too, and Fin would not risk his job if he had not believed in Elliot and Olivia. There was information he was not privy to now, but he would have to trust Fin to tell him when the time was right. As this whole mess had unfolded before him, he had the strangest stench he had ever had in his life. Maybe because he knew what kind of person Ed Tucker was, or maybe more because he knew what Tucker was capable of. Cragen also knew his detectives, or at least he thought he did, and Olivia nor Elliot was not capable of such blackmail as the evidence provided. They needed time, and Cragen was bound to provide it, along with his closest detectives.

**Leaving LaGuardia**

She had never liked to fly. Her job called for it on a few occasions, and she had even broken down and took a vacation once. To Maui. It was warm and bright, and the air smelled of the ocean. It had been a dream, for almost a whole week. She don't know why she thought of it now. Maybe just because it was a better time, and Olivia needed to concentrate on something good.

Giving both carry-on's to Elliot, she slipped in the window seat. She couldn't believe he had gotten them first-class tickets. No, she could see his reasoning. They would look here last for them, if at all. They had to have been a fortune, and she still had the idea that it had been a waste of money. However Elliot had assured her they were needed, and she had to admit it would be nice to fly this way for once. Even if she was on the run.

"Elliot, what happened back there?" She caught his attention after he had placed the bags in the compartment above them.

"I don't know." He looked back, although he knew he would not be able to see or tell anything more, considering they were already boarded and seated. "I just know I thought I was going to have a heart attack back there, and no one followed us." He was adjusting his seat belt, motioning for her to do the same.

"Know what you mean."

"Want something?" He asked, ready for a drink himself.

"Yea, whatever you're having."

He nodded, grateful she was accepting help now, if only to calm her a little. It was going to be a long flight, and besides for sleeping, Elliot hoped he could get her to open up some more. There was no way she could run from him now. She may get loud and make a small scene, but he could handle that. Hell, he had worked with John Munch enough times to know how to wipe embarrassment off without a flinch.

He loved flying. Hearing the engine, he said a small prayer of thanks that they had made it this far, and added a small request that they make it smoothly to their destination. It was quieter in first-class, and Elliot was hopeful that Olivia just might enjoy the flight a little. After all, they were there together. They would be over international waters very shortly. It was also a standing bonus that they were safe. However it ate at his soul to know that Olivia still had a long way to go before she would be the woman she once was. Hell, maybe not the same, but at least able to cope with what had happened. So here, where they would be closer to his God, he hoped Olivia could find a little solace.

The hand that slipped over hers, as she held onto the arm rest, was warm and reassuring. Elliot knew she hated take-off the worst, but maybe that wasn't what the reassurance was for. It could be his subtle way of saying how things were working out, how she would be alright, that they could somehow come out of this whole mess and still be able to live normally again.

Staring out the window as they taxied down the runway, Olivia had little feeling of relief and freedom. Maybe that was why she just could not look at Elliot as he held her hand. There was some small voice inside of her begging her to believe that he was making her go, making her leave her home. Her beloved New York. The city that had captured her heart, and kept it beating all her life. It wasn't that she believed it, Olivia just wanted the idea to leave her head. She could have stayed, turned around at any point although it would have broke his heart.

She felt hers shatter a little as the plane finally lifted, leaving behind her native land. For once in her life she was afraid to know her horoscope. Not because of what lies ahead for her, for them both, but because of what lay behind. If it even so much as gave a hint as to whether or not she would ever see Manhattan again…

**Two Hours Later….**

**Somewhere Over the Atlantic…**

He wanted to say something, but the little light the small window let in seemed to find her face, and by speaking he would just ruin the moment. She looked glorious, like an angel flying, with the background of the sky behind her head. Even now, with the load she still carried, Elliot seemed in awe of how lovely she managed to look.

"Sleep well?"

He had not made a sound, so when she asked about his nap he should have been surprised. Olivia was his other half, and when he awoke Elliot could only assume part of her awoke with him. He knew exactly when she had nodded off, or awoken, many times himself. There were no surprises when it came to being conscience between them. Maybe it was a running part of their working partnership that over the years became so prevalent it fell over into their private lives as well. After all, almost every other thing had.

"Ah, yea. I don't really remember…"

"Well you were really tired Elliot. How long since you last slept?" She wanted to make a little small talk, just to let him know she was doing fine. He would have eventually spoken himself, and his focus would have been on her…and that was something Olivia wanted to avoid now. He'd get around to her, she was sure, but right now she wasn't quite ready for anything too heavy.

"Would it be fair to say I can't remember?" He pulled himself straighter in his seat, waving his hand at the stewardess. His mouth was full of cotton, and he didn't buy first-class tickets for wasting.

"You fell asleep right after we took off, several hours ago now I think." Glancing at her watch, "A little over two hours ago." She fell silent, still looking out her window as the day was progressively leaving them as much as their homeland. Actually enjoying the flight, the small puff of white clouds had cleared and nothing lie between her view of the sky above and the ocean below. "This flight hasn't been so bad."

"I'll have anything wet and cold," he turned to Olivia, waiting for her answer to his silent question.

"Whatever you're having."

Nodding to their hostess, Elliot returned her smile. At one time in his life he would have watched her walk away, enjoying the sway of her hips and the firm, muscular calf muscles that peeked below her skirt. Today he had barely noticed. All he needed to see was the woman beside him. He may be thousands of feet in the air, but she kept him grounded.

"Liv…"

"El, please don't."

"If not now, when, Liv? Do you think there's ever gonna be a time when you're ready to talk?"

Lowering her head, that being the first real movement she had made since he woke, Olivia closed her eyes in silent thought. He had a point, a damn good point. Even she knew it would never be so easy to speak about….him, that….man.

"I need to tell you something." From the movement of the rush earlier, Olivia had gotten very sore between her legs. There was even a time in line at security that she thought she felt a little wet. Heavens no, not from anything good. She had to be bleeding again. It had been sensible enough to keep a pad on herself, even when the spotting had stopped. Afraid of what she might see, she had kept her seat since leaving LaGuardia. Now that the burning pain was still so persistant, Olivia knew she had no choice but to confide in her partner. Any ideas she had to help herself, she had all but ruled out as he slept. Not even knowing what he could do, she had talked herself into admitting her situation.

"I'm listening."

Lowering her voice to a whisper, even though most first-class seats were empty, she began, "El, there's something…he hurt me. For the first time with a knife."

Remembering the knife gave Elliot a whole new reason to panic.

"It's not bad." She had sensed his growing nervousness. "It's just that it's, well, there's a small cut…" This wasn't getting easier. Taking a deeper breath, she finally turned to face him. "El, it's between my legs. It's up….there. I think I might need a stitch or two." At least she felt a little better now. Maybe not down there, but a small part of the worry she was carrying had dissipated.

"Liv, is there anything else…"

"No, nothing like that."

Just nodding, he sat quietly, leaning back against his seat, urging an idea to spring forth from the empty depth of his brain. Something had to come to mind. She needed him…again, and he would be the man she could depend on. She had been let down enough for her whole lifetime.

Now was not the time for his anger to show. He was angry at …him. He was angry with her, for not telling him sooner. Maybe he was just angry in general, for all that had transpired within the last year. Not just what Olivia had gone through, but his own life changes. His divorce, however welcome, was just unpleasant. The shooting. The chances of recovering from that were about the same as Olivia recovering from this. The one thing he decided not to even try and think about…his children. Although most of them grown, they were still his, and any chance of seeing them again might as well be nonexistent.

Concentrating on her problems was the only way he could move forward. After all, without her, he could never go on.

The realization that hit him made his blood run cold. "Liv," again he lowered his voice, "you've never been to see a doctor, have you?"

She immediately knew what was on his mind. It was something she hated saying 'no' to, but was bound and determined to tell him the truth from now on. Even if it hurt him. "I couldn't, El."

Elliot just nodded. He knew procedure as well as she. They would have asked too many questions, and Olivia was too well known in the area among the ER's and clinics. Someone was bound to know her and say something. Whatever reason Olivia would have given, no one would have believed her, given her injuries. Especially a knife wound inside her vagina.

Of all the things he could imagine, that had not been something he visualized Tucker doing. He had underestimated that bastard. Just when had he lost his ability to read people?

The bruising she had shown him covered a great deal of area on her body. Elliot wondered just how badly she had been hurt, and if, indeed, she had needed some kind of medical treatment. What if she had a broken bone? Or a bruised…something-or-another? What if she had actually been bleeding internally at some point? A sickening feeling flooded through his system as he envisioned Olivia with him, chasing a perp, ending in a rough confrontation, and all the while had been bleeding internally to a slow and exhausting death. Because of that damn bastard.

What could have so easily killed her she let hang over her head all this time.

In truth, just watching her for the past day, Elliot had the feeling that she maybe had wanted to die. It would have been an easy 'out', at any time in the past year.

At least she seemed more determined to help herself now. She did tell him. Better late than never.

Leaning his head back, he sighed. He wanted to right things for her, to heal and soothe all the pain and sorrow she had so willingly given in to on account of him. Digging his right hand into the arm rest, Elliot thought of all the reasons why she would have done such a thing. It all narrowed down to one; Olivia Benson loved him with all her body and soul. He knew for sure now.

It was his responsibility to take care of her now. One that he would never think of running from. First on his list of priorities, after reaching their destination, was to find a doctor. They had enough cash between them to manage a 'hush' payment, or if Elliot had to, brute force would keep anyone quiet. He had no qualms about using it now.

"After we land, first thing, we find you a doctor." She exhaled, relief filling her senses as she released her worries onto him. Believing in her partner was something she thought she had done before. It was only now that she really knew how far she was away from him. "Don't worry, I'll take care of things," he added, before she questioned the idea.

Olivia nodded a quiet affirmative, turning toward the window again, admiring the darkening sky above them. He was taking care of things. He was. Her body still ached, her heart still needed mending, but she could rest in the fact that Elliot was here, taking care of her. She had to keep telling herself over and over, it was just too hard to believe, how far he had gone to keep her safe. Safe from her own stupidity, even.

"El, I don't know how to thank you." It was barely above a whisper, and for a moment Elliot thought she had said something to the effect of 'spank you'. The shock he had almost gone into loomed inside his system as nervous energy. What he had done to her would effect both of them from for years to come. If this was any indication of how he would direct his thinking, Elliot knew he would need just as much help to recover as she.

"Liv, that's something we shouldn't have to say between us. Things like that are a given." He squeezed her hand lightly once more, and brought it to his lips for a small, but emotional, kiss. "Why don't you try and get some sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up." And he would be.


	14. Chapter 14 White Walls

**DISCLAIMER:** SVU and its' characters do not belong to me, I make no monies from them. No infringement is intended of any kind.

**A/N-** Thank you to everyone still reading, and also thanks for the reviews/ encouragement. Before reading this next chapter, please take note that whatever physical place I take these characters to, I mean no ill feelings towards anyone who is native, has lived there, or is living there, or has a great aunt whose stepson's niece's uncle likes the place...etc... In other words, if you are partial to Iceland, I only use the ill remarks in this chapter for humor. If you do not find them funny, and take them to heart, I apologize. Nothing was meant to harm anyone.

**Ch. 14- White Walls**

_So maybe she deserved something of this caliber. Before boarding, she had left everything up to Elliot. Or maybe he just took over. Either way, she had been appreciative. Her thought processes weren't working quite their best. During the flight, she even voided the question of 'where we going?'. Come to think of it, she must have been dazed or asleep when any announcements were made of arrival or landing. It would have been too late by then anyway. _

_Men had never placed a high ranking in her life. Elliot was one who managed to make the list of four or five she considered worthy to associate with. Now she wondered why. All men should be caged, used for reproductive purposes only._

_At least that was all she could think of, now that she knew where she was. Iceland. Fucking Iceland._

"_I just picked a destination, Liv. It's not like we're going to be living here." Weren't they? Now that they were homeless, they pretty much had to live somewhere, so why not on a frozen island at the top of the world?_

_There was snow on the ground. Olivia had packed simply, not imagining that Elliot would want to immerse himself in an igloo._

"_Here," he motioned for her to slip on one of his jackets he managed to throw in by accident only. "I was so damn worried about getting us out of there, I wasn't thinking about where to go or what to pack."_

"_We'll just freeze to death instead." Olivia really gave him that piece of her mind that said, 'I owe you, and I'm taking it out any damn way I please.'_

"_Liv, we're safe. That's all that matters. I know you're cold and still tired, and you've got to be hungry…" He was reaching for her, knowing she was still so very fragile. The concern in his voice would do nothing but melt her resolve. "Look, come on. I'll find us a room and we can get rested up._

_She didn't admit he was right, only allowed herself to be led out into the cold. It would be nice to be able to lie flat on a soft bed all warm and cozy. Eating would be a different story, for her stomach was still a large knot. If she knew Elliot, and she did, he would make her eat something. Whatever they did, they needed time to get themselves together again. Time to slow down and take inventory of their worldly possessions, and craft some ideas as to what to do next._

That seemed like half a day ago, or maybe it had been. The shock of their arrival had worn off somewhat, but now she tried to concentrate back to when she was furious at Elliot, the stupid son-of-a-bitch who had taken her to fucking Iceland. It was much better than concentrating on the old foreign doctor (or so he says) who was poking and prodding his fingers in her pussy.

Sometime it has to get better.

**One hour later…**

It must have been the most realistic dream Olivia had ever had. She was groggy, but she was freezing. Especially between her legs, where it felt like someone had piled ice cubes on her bare intimate flesh. When she had dreamt of Iceland, she had assumed her whole body would turn to ice, not just that part.

"Elliot!" Her voice echoed around the room she found herself in. He was nowhere to be seen. 'Stupid son-of-a bitch gone sight-seeing probably,' she thought to herself.

She hated white rooms. Plain, glossy white made her feel even colder. Sterile, almost. If not for the smell, she would have assumed she were in a hospital somewhere. Then the son-of-a-bitch would have been a dead son-of-a-bitch.

She yawned like she hadn't slept in months, and let herself relax as her body came fully awake. She was nude. Great At least she didn't feel any clothing at all on. Lifting the covers to confirm, Olivia let out a string of obscenities when she discovered the ice pack stuffed between her legs.

She pulled it out, threw it against the closed, wooden, white door.

Why couldn't anyone ever leave a cold Coke or something…anything besides water. Ice water. It was always beside the bed. Fuck the ice water.

It landed beside the ice pack, to the left of her bed, on the floor beside the white door.

Sinking back into her bed, she pulled up the blanket, tucking herself in. Her fist collided with the mattress, and as it absorbed the blow, she finally let the tears freely fall.

So many questions still swirled inside her head, and no one who could ever answer them for her. It was just her lot in life. She was now the abused, the victim, the heartbroken weakling she had fought most of her life to not be. She had failed. Now homeless, completely cut off from her former life, and in fucking Iceland, in a fucking all white room. Just left to freeze to death, buried in a block of ice. To top it all off, she still ached. Her body was still hurting, reminding her of the torment she had fully accepted from the one and only Ed Tucker; bastard extraordinaire.

She cried for the blows that landed hard and swift, for the sharp pain that stung as his dick penetrated her ass again and again, for his degrading words, and for his damn knife.

She cried for her own stupidity, for her self-loathing and doubt.

She cried for all the wrong decisions she ever made, for the bad ideas and crazy stunts she ever pulled.

She cried for hurting her friends, her family, her coworkers, herself.

She cried for hurting Elliot. For putting him in this position with her; for taking him away from his children, his family, his home. She's given him nothing but grief, and in return for what? For him to simply state that he loves her?

Maybe he is a stupid son-of-a-bitch.

"You're awake."

Lost in her soul-searching, she had not heard him gently knock before cracking open the door to check on her.

"Ah, yea." Quickly drying the remnants of her tears, Olivia pulled herself up to sitting, feeling somewhat better than when she had awoke a little while before.

"I know this isn't the best room, but it's cheap and clean." Elliot slipped inside at the lack of protest from her. "I had a doctor look at you." He pointed at her body, most of it hidden by the covers. "Hope you don't mind, but since you were so tired and groggy anyway…"

"I don't remember much. I mean I think I do, but not really." She really couldn't explain it.

"He gave you something to help you rest. He, ah, he had to give you a few stitches, Liv." This is what she had been waiting to here, he knew that, from the moment he stuck his head in the door. He could see it in her eyes. "I'm not sure how many that is, but he said they would dissolve in about ten days, so you don't have to worry about them. He also left you some antibiotics and some pain medication, if you want it."

All she could do was nod. Somehow she had already known. From the moment she had awoke, it was just a feeling, a different feeling she had, up inside her. One that told her she was going to be okay now.

"He looked you over, Liv. I asked him to." He waited for her to yell. The Benson he knew would feel violated. As the seconds ticked on, and silence reigned, Elliot knew that Olivia had lost much more than he realized.

Playing with her hands, her mind wandered at what was going through his. She couldn't look at him now, too embarrassed at herself for being like this.

"He says you'll heal fine. With time." What exactly that meant was something neither could figure out.

"Sorry for the mess"

"Just water. If it makes you feel better, I threw a bottle of scotch while you were sleeping." At this she laughed, her face lightening from the darker place she had been. It did his heart good to see this, and so it brought a smile to his face also.

"So…what do we do now?" Finally calming, she began rationalizing.

"Well, I've been thinking about that too. We're safe, in no hurry, no job, no appointments, no nothing. So why do we have to do anything?" He sat on the bed beside her, gently taking her hand in his. "You need to heal. So now is as good a time as any."

"I just stay here, like, with nothing to do?" That was foreign to her. Might as well dig her a hole and shove her in it now.

"Yes. Exactly."

"Then what?"

"Then…well, what do you think about a vacation?"

"Elliot,"

"Seriously, what do you say we just take one day at a time? See what comes along?"

"Yea. Okay." She had to admit it felt good, not having any pressure on herself, or either of them. They had been a team so long that if one was pressurized, the other felt the strain as well. "A little time to relax, think things through, might due us some good.' She squeezed his hand, silently telling him she was on the same page with him, and slowly coming back to herself, not to worry. "Maybe get the fuck out of Iceland." The smile was back, but the look in her eyes told Elliot to refrain from any kind of comeback at all.

**16 Precinct**

Yawning for what must have been the fourth time in an hour, Captain Donald Cragen covered his mouth with one hand, squinting his eyes as his mouth stretched and his eyes tightly closed long enough to take a deep breath. He was still trying to make sense of the information he had gotten from Detective Tutuola concerning the two best detectives he had ever commanded. What had transpired to cause such an outrageous outcome he still could not fully understand. He had heard two versions, Fin's and IAB's. Of course, only Fin's was believable in his mind, but still it seemed far-fetched.

After knowing them for years…you think you know someone, and then something like this happens and you can't make heads or tails of anything anymore. At least that's all he could think of to tell Fin and John, as they slumped in the two office chairs in front of his desk for most of the day.

"I knew she wasn't herself." John Munch had kept repeating to himself, hoping that somehow it would be a chastisement for not doing something to help her before Pandora's Box had been opened.

"We all knew. Don't beat yourself up." Fin had done enough of beating his own self up since his conversations with Elliot.

"We've got to find out what really went on, how Elliot got involved. I've got a close personal friend at IAB. I'm going to talk to him, see if I can find out anything. John I want you to take Ed Tucker's computer down to TARU, have them tear that damn thing apart…see if they can tell you anything at all. Fin, I want you to get to work locating them. Do what you have to do to find them." The elderly man watched as his detectives nodded, rising quickly and moving toward the door. This was the fastest they had moved in a while. Like him, both always thought it better to try and do something instead of sitting still and watching events happen around them. "And Fin," he added before the man could finish the few steps out into the bullpen, "be careful, watch your back. I wouldn't be surprised if eyes were on us, especially after what you pulled."

"I know how to disappear, no worries," Fin answered to ease his Captain's mind. "We'll fix this."

**Meanwhile…**

It had been good to see her smile, even if for just a few seconds at a time. She was safe now, sleeping in the next room, and Elliot was more relaxed in knowing she would be fine physically.

When he had explained the situation to the doctor, something had told him to be prepared for rather ugly results of her physical. Maybe it was his upbringing, maybe it was in his nature, or maybe it was his job that always gave him a head's up to look forward to the worst-case scenario. So when he had been reassured that she would heal physically, and nothing serious had been found besides for the vaginal lacerations, Elliot had felt the heavy burden lift from his soul. He had not known whether to laugh or cry.

That had been the good news.

The bad news Elliot had already known. Her mental state was far from home, in more ways than one. He had been told to seek a professional to help her, but how could he, here, so far from home, and no plans in sight of staying in one place for too long? Especially here, in Iceland. It was imperative to find them a temporary home, one where Olivia would be comfortable enough to live and hopefully accept some professional help for the abuse Tucker had put her through.

**_Two hours later… _**

She knew what bothered her so much now. Olivia had awoken to those same white walls, gleaming in the seemingly ordinary dull light of what was suppose to be her temporary room. Suppose to be, or not, it would never be her room, not with the white glaring at her like a sharp-edged sword.

It occurred to her suddenly that she had saw that same glare before, many times. Tucker had his bedroom painted in the same sharp, glossy white that was now penetrating her eyes again, on the other side of the world. Was she to never escape? He was dead, Olivia realized that. However her situation was sitting on her chest, restricting her breathing, heavy like an elephant.

Panic filled her entire body to the point where she no longer felt any pain at all.

There was no clock in the room, nor could she find her watch. Her things were jumbled in her case just as Elliot and herself had stuffed them before leaving NYC. Only a few things had been removed, and Olivia had taken that to heart as Elliot's way of telling her Iceland was only a short stop.

It wasn't short enough for her.

Thankful he had finally drifted off to sleep, Olivia thought of leaving him a note, but what would she say? 'Gee thanks for getting involved and leaving your family and making me feel guilty and for the nice trip to Iceland, and for arranging the visit from the old doctor who she was sure molested her as well." That would be the short version of what could very easily become an eternal novel of gratitude and fuck-off's all tucked into one leather binder.

Making sure she left him with plenty of cash, and how to get more when needed, Olivia lifted her ID, passport, and medication along with a few other essentials out of his carry-on beside the sofa and the few things lying on the table beside his wallet.

It's not what she wanted to do. It was what she had planned to do all along. Damn him for intruding, for getting himself all wrapped up in what was suppose to be only her own trouble. He had not let up, he had not backed off, he had not given up and left her alone. He had jumped in with both feet first, not thinking clearly at all. He had destroyed his own family, his own job, his own future.

He had loved her.

Yes, damn him for getting involved with herself. He should have known better, especially since he supposedly knew how much of a wreck she already was.

As she took one last look behind her, she tightened her hold on her bags, fighting the urge to cry again. She had to separate herself from him, give him some sort of chance for a little normalcy in his life. He could rebuild. Stabler was strong like that. Committing to another life would be a challenge, but he was up for it.

Damn those white walls for reminding her of how screwed up she really was.

None of it was fair to Elliot. Olivia knew he couldn't go back now. There was nothing she could do to reverse that issue. However she could make certain he would not be plagued with having to take care of her for the rest of her life. No one could fix her now. She was sure it was a matter of time before her meltdown became complete, and the Olivia Benson she had been her whole life would no longer exist in the realm of constant souls and the daily humanity that walked the Earth. No one would be able to reach her. Not even Elliot.

The door made a humble click as the knob locked in place. Maybe she should have thought of freedom out here, the vastness of the deep hallway leading into forever ahead of her. Yet her thoughts were as blank as those white walls, filling her brain with a no-nonsense plan of the two minutes it took to remove herself from the building she had been paying to use as shelter.


End file.
